Please pay me for being stupid

I want to be a conservative pundit.

It’s one of only two jobs in America where you can gain fame and fortune and be wrong about everything. The other is politician.

I can say or write that black is white, up is down, and someone will give me enough money to buy a house in Scarsdale. And a pony.

It has to be a great job because it doesn’t require any thought. In fact, you run the risk of making sense if you think about something for more than a few seconds, and that is a death sentence for a conservative pundit.

Basically, the only job requirement is to say the first thing that comes into your head. Ten times out of ten it’s wrong and stupid, and people will love it.

In fact, the more wrong and stupid it is, the better. Angry white men, your target audience, also love it when you say cruel and hateful things. They enjoy it when you pick on the poor, women, minorities and the Clintons. The more hateful the attack the better. Cruelty towards others makes angry white guys laugh. How hard can that be?

I’m tired of just getting by month after month. It’s time to jump on the stupid train and take the short ride to Hatesville. There’s a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow and it’s mine. ALL MINE.