Welcome to the Capital Hill Asylum

As predicted, American voters, at least that relatively small group that showed up to actually vote, elected the craziest inmates to run the asylum. Lunatics like Wisconsin Governor Scott “Koch addict” Walker, Florida Governor Rick “White-brother-from-another-planet” Scott and Senator Mitch “Yertle-the-Turtle” McConnell are all given back their respective jobs. And then there is the new crop of crazies headed by Iowa Republican Senator Joni Ernst, who made a campaign commercial where she linked her experience at castrating pigs to her desire to “cut the pork” in Washington. Iowans must have loved it.

As many others are pointing out, the electoral system in America is broken. From the money tsunami unleashed by Citizens United to gerrymandering to voter ID laws that disenfranchise minorities to hackable computerized voting machines, every election is now suspect and less a representation of the people’s will than a slave auction for white billionaires.

And paramount in this particular election was the issue of Obama hatred and racism. Primarily a red state mid-term, we saw how successful Republicans were at demonizing the President and shifting the blame for America’s problems from themselves to the “uppity negro” in Washington. Aided by a cowardly mainstream media, Republican candidates effectively used their code words, winks and nudges to stoke the racial hatred lying just beneath the surface of many white voters.

One rare bright spot was in my own state of Minnesota where we reelected a Democratic governor and sent Al Franken back to the Senate. I don’t envy Al because he is going to have his work cut out for him as one of a minority of sane voices trying to be heard amid the wailing, babbling patients of the Capital Hill Asylum.

Republicans rely on poorly informed voters to win office

The headline for an article at Campaign for America’s Future says it all: “Polling Irony: People Think the Economy is Rigged; Trust the GOP to Fix It.” While the economy is not in great shape, it’s better than it was when George Bush left office and the deficit is down two-thirds from 2008, yet voters are still under the impression that the economy is worse now than it was under Bush.

Apparently Americans have been in a coma for the past six years. They seem to have no understanding of what’s happened in Washington D.C., of the Republican obstructionists in Congress who did everything in their power to make sure the economy did not improve under Obama. They shut down the freaking government, yet voters still think they will fix our broken economy.

And why can’t the Democrats get the very simple, straightforward message across to voters that Republicans in Congress are to blame for our current economic stagnation? What is so difficult about that? The facts are the facts, yet candidates can’t seem to articulate this argument in a way that resonates with voters.

Then there is the failure of the mainstream media to provide voters with a true picture of what has transpired in Washington since Obama took office. Afraid to offend viewers and lose ratings share, the networks offer up a slushy “he said, she said” analysis of politics that avoids any truth that might be construed as partisan.

I have to admit that the Republicans hatched a brilliantly simple plan right after Obama was elected and it has worked to perfection: Wreck the economy and blame it on the President. They bet that fickle, poorly informed voters would focus their anger and frustration on Obama, not Congress, and, unfortunately, they were right.

Intercepted memo: Midterm marching orders for Republicans

MEMO

From: Frank Luntz, Luntz Global, LLC

To: Republican candidates for office, 2014 midterm election

Re: Campaign talking points

Dear ,

As you are well aware, midterm elections are fast approaching. As a candidate for elected office, you will be giving many speeches, interviews, panel discussions, etc. and it necessary for you to be well prepared for these public interactions.

To help with your preparations, we are offering a handy guide to appropriate and inappropriate response strategies to today’s most controversial topics. The liberal press is always ready to pounce on conservative candidates who may express their valid beliefs in less than articulate ways. So keep this guide handy and stay on message. United we stand, divided we fall.

Best of luck with your campaign.

Topic: Abortion

Strategy: Avoidance. Change the subject.

Examples:

“I’m here today to talk about (national defense, Flag Day, puppies, etc.) not abortion.”

“My views on this subject are well known. Is that pork I smell?”

“Accordions? I love accordions. Next question.”

Topic: Women’s rights

Strategy: Empathize. Change the subject.

Examples:

“Some of my best friends are women. That’s a lovely dress. Very flattering.”

“My mother was a woman. Don’t tell me I don’t know anything about women. My god, it’s a UFO.”

“I truly value the contributions women make to society. My wife is the boss. I let her make all the important decisions in our family. Now, let’s talk baseball.”

Topic: Global Warming

Strategy: Question science. Change the subject.

Examples:

“The minute we put science ahead of common sense, we lose our humanity in a gas ball of data and lifeless facts. Go with your gut, and my gut tells me it’s lunch time.”

“Oooh, let’s bow down and worship the scientists. They’re little wizards who know so much more than we mere mortals. Ooooh. Give me a break. Are they smarter than God? Let us pray.”

“The scientific community is in utter chaos regarding global warming. In fact, I read yesterday there was a running gun battle between pro- and anti-global warming factions at the University of Zurich, and that reminds me of a story about my father…”

Topic: President Obama

Strategy: Nothing is off limits. Be creative.

Examples:

“I have seen photos that prove Barack Obama clubbed baby seals with a prosthetic limb stolen from a decorated Iraq war veteran.”

“No one has yet proved that Obama is not an Al Qaeda agent trained in Afghanistan who has had extensive plastic surgery and vocal chord replacement.”

“There are documents that prove conclusively that Obama is the point man for a secret society that sacrifices white babies on the altar to Elathan, a Celtic lord of darkness.”