Alien Reptile People Are Real, And They're Voting for Trump

I am now thoroughly convinced that a portion of the world’s population is in fact, made up of reptilians from another planet who are able to take human form and call themselves by various names; Evangelical Christians, political conservatives, Dominianists, white nationalists, Nazis, Islamic fundamentalists and Trump supporters. While advanced enough to reach the Earth from their galaxy, their mission is to destroy our planet from within, using an ability to appear in human skin to sew the seeds of their primitive, hateful beliefs among the people living on this blue marble.

How have I comet to accept this remarkable reality? The reactions expressed by the far Right to the Orlando shooting cannot be coming from actual human beings. No born and bred earthling would spew the callous, disgusting, soulless bile that I am reading on various online comment sections. Lead by the orange lizard himself, Donald Trump, the reptilian far right fringe is infesting the Internet with its poisonous rhetoric, blaming the victims and exposing their rotted, maggot riddled souls to the world.

The hypocrisy is beyond real human understanding. Christian fundamentalists who claim they’d like nothing better than a holy war to wipe Islam from the face of the earth, convey their grateful regards to the Muslim who murdered the gays. Come on, people, you’ve got to decide who you hate more, Muslims or gay people. Your wishy-washy attitude weakens your brand. The reality that you cannot face is that you have far more in common with radical Islamists than you do with the American LGBT community.

The tragedy of Orlando has brought the reptiles out from under their rocks to disrupt the grief of tens of millions with inane, inhuman observations that unmask their cold-blooded, brainless nature. Trump and his hateful minions must be sent back into the darkness this November or the reptile invasion of Earth will be complete, and the future of humans doomed. Oh, and apologies to all home-grown reptiles.

Bush shocks world: “I was not born on your planet.”

In a taped conversation with Steve Kroft of 60 Minutes, President Bush revealed that he was born on another planet. The admission stunned everyone in the studio, including Kroft. What follows is a transcript of the ensuing conversation.

Kroft: Another planet? What do you mean, Mr. President?

Bush: Another planet. If I said the name of it your ears would bleed. It’s several galaxies away.

Kroft: You’re an alien?

Bush: Yes, but I’m legal. Got all the right paperwork. I was brought here to Earth as a baby and placed in the care of George and Barbara. Nice people. You see, all of this — my life, my career, my rise to the presidency — all of it was preordained. I was brought here to become president of the United States.

Kroft: Why?

Bush: To prepare you for this day. My assignment was to weaken Earth’s strongest nation and bring it to its knees to pave the way for an invasion from my planet. Mission accomplished.

Kroft: Invasion?

Bush: They’re on their way as I speak. Trust me. Enslavement isn’t the worst thing that could happen in your life.

Kroft: This is outrageous.

Bush: Not really. You brought it on yourself by electing a dumbass like me. What were you thinking?

Kroft: We will fight you.

Bush: We’ll you’ll give it the old college try, but the U.S. military is in a shambles, demoralized, leaderless. I made sure of that. My lord you people are gullible. How could you actually think one of your fellow humans would act so aggressively to destroy your own country? Oh, look at the time. I’ve got to go meet the ships and reunite with my real colony. Steve?

Kroft: Yeah?

Bush: Resistance is futile, but it makes for great TV. Carry on.