How Does Your Ideological Team Stack Up?

Sports metaphors are used often in political commentary. “The race is neck and neck.” “Joe threw a hail Mary pass during the debate.” “Jane’s moved up to the big leagues in her new position at the White House.” What if we took the sports metaphor a step further and looked at the win/loss record for the two largest political factions in America — Liberals/Progressives and Conservatives. Just how have these two teams stacked up over say, the last 150 years of America history? Let's look at the record.

	Liberals/Progressives	Conservatives
Civil War	W	L
Child Labor Laws	W	L
Workplace Safety Regulations	W	L
Women’s Right to Vote	W	L
The New Deal	W	L
Ending Jim Crow	W	L
Civil Rights Legislation	W	L
Ending the Vietnam War	W	L
Watergate	W	L
Opposed Patriot Act that has led to the American Surveillance State	W	L
Long opposed to the War on Drugs that is now being recognized as a disaster	W	L
Knew starting wars in the Middle East was a terrible idea	W	L
Opposed austerity measures	W	L
Opposed privatizing Social Security	W	L

Wow, that’s quite a record. Over and over and over, conservatives have been on the wrong side of history. There are still major issues that the two sides are battling over right now, such as a woman’s right to an abortion, equal pay and rational gun control, but if the record is any indication, the outcome can be predicted.

Michele Bachmann: Reduce Farming Costs by Feeding Cattle Liberals

In an interview with a Minneapolis radio station today, Minnesota rep. Michele Bachmann floated the idea of providing struggling American farmers with free feed and fertilizer consisting of ground up liberals.

“It’s a win/win situation,” said Bachmann. “Cattle farmers will no longer have to pay for expensive feed or fertilizer, and we’ll get rid of all those un-American, terrorist-loving liberals at the same time. It’s perfect.”

Asked whether this wouldn’t be considered mass murder or genocide, Bachmann scoffed. “That would only apply if we were talking about real Americans. Then it would be a crime. But these are liberals. Don’t you see? They hate America and every thing it stands for. Why should they be allowed to suck up perfectly good air? That’s the real question.”

A caller wondered how the process would work and whether there might be a financial reward for turning in liberals. “Oh, absolutely,” Bachmann replied. “We would have to depend on our citizens to do the patriotic thing and hand over any liberals they know to the government. Our nation is at stake here people. This is serious.”

Bachmann said she has held talks with national feed and fertilizer companies, and that they have expressed guarded interest in the idea.