Tomorrow's headlines today

Lichtenstein offers Snowden asylum. US prepares for invasion.

Dennis Rodman receives Nobel Peace Prize

Depp’s next role to be a gay beluga whale in ocean epic

President’s announcement initiating martial law interrupts Dancing with the Stars. ABC receives tens of thousands of complaints.

Testifying before the congressional Intelligence Committee, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper’s pants spontaneously combust

Stone’s latest backstage rider includes oxygen tanks, a box of Depends and four mobility scooters.

Check out my new novel Fall Lake. The link is below my photo.

My predictions for 2007

The Bush Twins will show up in an Argentinean porn film

Donald Rumsfeld will host a FOX News talk show called, “Grumpy Old White Men.”

San Francisco will be asked to secede from the Union

Dick Cheney will completely disappear

Iraqis will rebuild Saddam’s statue

The first verifiable alien-human contact will be caught on videotape at the Delmar, Iowa Gas ‘N Go.

The Republican Party will be declared a criminal enterprise under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO) and forced to disband.

Oprah will buy Chicago

The National Enquirer will break the news that George Bush was caught in gay tryst under the headline, “Brokeback Rose Garden.”

Barak Obama will take the stage name B-Prez and make a Hip Hop CD

The U.S. will invade Iran with forces made up primarily of Boy Scouts, security guards and motorcycle gangs

Tofu will be deemed an illegal substance in three southern states with stiff fines and prison terms for distributing