Thursday, May 21, 2015

Christians think the world will end in September. Wanna bet?

According to a number of prominent conservative Christians, the world’s going to end this September. Yawn. I don’t know, something about blood moons and Israel and the Pope speaking to Congress… it’s a fundamentalist Christian’s wet dream of convergences where God finally gets out of his Laz-y-Boy and makes his way to Earth to tell the faithful, “Y’all were right. Kill the liberals.”

With silver-haired, pinched-faced pastor John Hagee leading the mob, Christians are getting their ascension robes dry-cleaned and cancelling any October plans they might have made.

Well, I’d like to issue them a challenge.

If you believe with all your heart that the world is going to end in September, you won’t have any problem participating in a small wager. If the world does end this fall, well, I’m screwed, you’re in heaven for eternity and we’ll all be spared one more sequel of The Expendables. If you’re wrong, however, and I’m still cleaning out the cat box on October 1, you, Mr. Hagee, will be responsible for collecting $10 million to be deposited into my checking account by the end of the year. And, you’ll donate another $10 million to the Bernie Sanders for President campaign (It’s not all about me).

I await your response in the comments section, Pastor Hagee. Any time now.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Conservative hypocrisy headlines of the day

Another day, another dose of Republican hypocrisy and lies:

South Carolina Repub: Drop 20-week abortion ban because women will fake being raped to get one (Raw Story)

Texas Senator blamed violence in Baltimore on ‘absent fathers,’ has nothing to say about Waco massacre (Think Progress)

Michigan pastor who railed against same-sex marriage resigns after being caught seeking men on Grindr (Raw Story)

George W. Bush’s CIA briefer admits Iraq WMD ‘intelligence’ was a lie (Salon)

Jeb Bush: A tolerant country would allow discrimination based on ‘religious beliefs’ (Raw Story)

Rand Paul cruelty and delusion on display: U.S. shouldn’t accept Iraqi refugees because “we won the war” (Right Wing Watch)

Jeb Bush tells Pamela Geller he will ‘trust his brother’ to deal with the ‘Islamic threat’ (AlterNet)

Bobby Jindal says he will issue executive order allowing anti-LGBT discrimination (forwardprogressives.com)

Texas governor signs bill that makes local fracking bans illegal (Think Progress)

‘I’m going to call a drone and…kill you’ and 9 other insane things Lindsey Graham has said (The Nation)

Former 4th District congressional candidate admits planning armed militia attack, firebombing of Muslim community in New York (Chattanoogan.com)

…and finally a dose of good news:

The GOP is dying off. Literally. (Politico)

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A Biker Brawl in Victorian England

Location: The Boar’s Tail Pub, Knightsbridge, London, 1895

Setting: A dozen members of the Weston Gentlemen’s Bicycling Association are enjoying pints of ale in a corner of the pub. Four bicyclists from the Brickstone Riding and Touring Club enter the pub and order drinks. Charles Twittenstraw, a member of the former group, approaches the table of the pub’s newest patrons and addresses William Cockswoon.

Charles

Well, a good day to you, Gentlemen.

William

And to you, Sir. A fine day.

Charles

Indeed it is. Indeed. I’ve not had the pleasure of seeing you or your companions in here before.

William

Quite true. Our club is located in Brentford and we are touring west through the city. Lovely area, here.

Charles

Yes, it is. We are very proud of our little corner of London, and it is always dismaying to have its beauty despoiled by those of inferior character.

William

Of course. And if we see such louts, we will alert you immediately.

Charles

I was referring to you, Sir. This pub, this area of the city, is reserved solely for the riding enjoyment of the Weston Gentlemen’s Bicycling Association.

William

A jolly good jest. (Turns to his mates) If nothing else, the residents of Knightsbridge are entertaining.

Charles

It was not intended to be entertaining. You and your little band of sparrows should fly away now, if you have any common sense and regard for your own safety.

William

Ah, my safety. Pray tell, what brand of bicycle does your “association” prefer?

Charles

Only the finest two-wheel machine in existence: The Schwinn.

William

(Laughing with his companions) The Schwinn. No true bicyclists would be caught dead riding a Schwinn when the far superior Raleigh is available.

Charles

The only Raleigh riders I know are elderly women and circus animals.

William

(Standing) I’d hold my tongue if I were you. And I’m surprised you’re pathetic Schwinn is able to roll forward without collapsing under your formidable weight.

Charles

Doesn’t every Raleigh come with a pair of bloomers?

William

(As the two groups converge) The only bloomers I have are the ones I took off of your wife last night.

Charles

I’d be insulted if I thought my wife ignorant enough to fornicate with a feeble minded Raleigh rider.

William

Of course you’re right. It wasn’t your wife. It was your mother.


(And…fisticuffs ensued.)

Presidential wannabe Lindsey Graham claims he can read your mind

Republicans running for President are going to have to trade in the clown car for a clown bus as every member of the party under the age of 80 is, or will soon be, a candidate for the nation’s top office (except John Bolton). And as the field grows, the effort to stand out from the crowd becomes more daunting for them, and more entertaining (like watching a horror movie) for us.

Soon to announce his intentions, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham set a pretty high bar at the Iowa Republican Party-sponsored Lincoln Day Dinner. After listening to fellow Presidential wannabes gin up the crowd’s pacemakers to optimum blood flow with tales of how many bombs they’d drop on ISIS if they were President, Graham took the floor.

“If I’m president of the United States and you’re thinking about joining al-Qaida or ISIL — anybody thinking about that?” he asked to laughs. “I’m not gonna call a judge. I’m gonna call a drone and we’re gonna kill you.”

Blue-haired women grew weak at the knees and the men’s pacemakers were smokin’ after that one. Graham is going to read your mind, and if he doesn’t like what you’re thinking, he’s gonna open a can of serious whoop ass on you.

“Where gonna kill you?” Now maybe this is Republican humor and, like Japanese humor, I just don’t get it. If not, it has to be one of the most grotesque, idiotic utterances to ever pass the lips of a (soon-to-be) Presidential candidate. What is wrong with these people that 1) a U.S. senator would make such an asinine statement and 2) people would cheer him for saying it? The possibility that Lindsey Graham could be sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office one day makes climate change seem almost inconsequential.

Don’t worry folks, things are just starting to heat up, and you can be sure that the passengers riding in the clown bus will provide us with many more sweet quotes like this in the months to come, if they ever figure out how to get it out of first gear.

Monday, May 18, 2015

The Left Was Right On Iraq


I wanted to make one more point about the, “With what we know today, would you still invade Iraq” question. The corporate press and political pundits make it sound as if everyone on the planet was fooled by the flawed intelligence supplied by the CIA. What they neglect to mention is that there were many voices on the left opposing the invasion of Iraq, they just got drowned out by the media megaphone supporting the war. Turned out we were right. Do you think we’ll ever hear anyone in the mainstream media say, “You guys were right. We should have listened to you.”? Don’t hold your breath.

Another Republican candidate stumbles over the Iraq question

It happened again. A Republican Presidential candidate was not prepared to answer this simple question: Knowing what we know now, would you still Invade Iraq? This time it was Marco Rubio on a Sunday talk show who stumbled over his own tongue trying to dance around the question that every Republican candidate should have known they were going to be asked. Are they really that stupid? Really?

What’s interesting about the critiques of both Rubio and Bush’s inept handling of the question is the fact that writer’s keep focusing on the weapons of mass destruction issue, but fail to mention that the original argument for invading Iraq was its supposed ties to al Qaeda and terrorism in the Middle East. When that argument began to weaken (although it was still being peddled by Colin Powell when he addressed the UN) the emphasis was switched to the supposed WMDs that, of course, never materialized.

Even the bumbling Bush administration knew there had to be some kind of tie to terrorism to get support for attacking Iraq, and Bush and Cheney (and Judith miller) enthusiastically championed a number of stories they claimed connected Saddam Hussein to terrorists, all of which turned out to be false. It’s an important part of the “what we know now” question that is getting little attention.

The whole Iraq war question should raise huge red flags for anyone thinking they might vote for a Republican, but it will have little impact on wealthy Republican supporters. They could care less what the candidates say or do, as long as they believe the winner will do their bidding.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Boo! Two new short scary stories

Need a good jolt of horror? Check out my two new scary short stories at They're Only Shadows.

Thank you for killing someone else god

In 2012, Wolf Blitzer interviewed Betty Bowers (an atheist) a short time after a tornado struck her house and destroyed it. Blitzer asked her if she thanked god that she and her son were spared any injuries or death, and her reply is wonderful. “Thanking god for sparing you in a natural disaster is like sending a thank-you note to a serial killer for stabbing the family next door.”

Thursday, May 14, 2015

College Student Goes Where Mainstream Media Dares Not Tread

At a town hall meeting in Reno, Nevada yesterday, a 19-year old college student had the courage/temerity to lay some truth on the GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush, and told him, “Your brother created ISIS.” This was after a speech by Bush alleging Obama was responsible for the rise of terrorists groups in the Middle East.

It is such a sad state of affairs in political media coverage when a simple statement of truth from a teenager becomes national headlines. Stop the presses, someone confronted Jeb Bush with the truth. How dare this young hooligan drag reality into the political realm. Doesn’t she know the script? Isn’t she aware of how the game is played?

That’s where we're at, folks. The mainstream news media has abrogated its responsibilities for so long now that confronting a politician with the truth in a public setting is now headline worthy news. George Bush did help create ISIS, and his father helped build al Qaeda when it was fighting the Russians in Afghanistan.

The mainstream media cowers in fear at the feet of people like Bush, following the narrative set by its owners to avoid the truth at the risk of looking biased and turning away viewers. As a result, we need courageous citizens like Ivy Ziedrich who are willing to stand up to people running for public office and call them out on their lies and distortions. Thank you Ivy for doing what our news media is afraid to.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Surprise! Jeb Bush is as big a moron as his brother

Just how utterly and hopelessly ignorant and out of touch is the current crop of Republican candidates for President? How large is the universe? When does the bottomless cup of coffee end? What is the largest number we know times itself?

Today, let’s look at Jeb Bush, former governor of Florida and George’s little brother. Here’s a guy who has probably had presidential aspirations since he was in diapers, and now his time has come. Some months ago, as he started to get serious about this running for President thing, he brought together a team of advisors, and around that same time announced to the world that he was not going to run in the shadow of his big brother, but would be his own man. Of course, what made that statement such a joke was that his team of advisors was full of familiar names from his brother’s failed administration.

But let’s bring things up to the present. During a recent interview on FOX News, Megyn Kelly asked Jeb a very straightforward question: Knowing what we know today, would you still Invade Iraq? Little brother gave her an answer, but it was an answer to a different question. Instead of addressing the “what we know now” part, his answer was to a “what we knew before the Iraq invasion” question. In recent days Jeb has tried to clarify what he meant to say, but has botched it so badly that even the mainstream press is wondering what the hell his position on Iraq is.

Here’s where the serious stupid comes in. Among all the advisors Bush has brought on board his campaign, was there not one among them who said: “Jeb, listen man, somebody at some point is going to ask you about Iraq. We need to have a response ready for that inevitability”? For God’s sake, didn’t anybody on his team think about that? Based on his bumbling, stumbling media responses, apparently not. That he AND HIS ADVISERS failed to prepare for such an obvious question is unfathomable.

If we vote this moronic brother of a moron into office, we deserve what we get.