Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The George W. Bush Center For Children Who Can't Think or Speak Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

Bush is trying to raise $500 million to build his library and a think tank at Southern Methodist University in Dallas.

A library and a think tank.

What could I write that is funnier than that?

However, I do offer a name suggestion: The George W. Bush Center For Children Who Can't Think or Speak Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

What’s even more galling is that there is no attempt to hide the purpose of this enterprise, which is to refurbish Bush’s reputation for future generations (a Herculean effort to be sure). They’re going to hire ideologically sympathetic scholars, all three of them, who will write glowing books and papers about the Bush presidency.

In other words, they’re going to rewrite history.

Black is white. Good is bad. Welcome to the Bush Library.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Yes, in MY backyard. Yuck.

From Metro.co.uk:

A man is accused of having sex with the carcass of a deer that he found lying beside the road – but his lawyer denies that he committed bestiality, on the grounds that a dead deer isn't an animal any more.

20-year-old Bryan James Hathaway of Superior, Wisconsin allegedly had sex with the deer corpse after he found it on the roadside on October 11 this year. Authorities say he told police that he noticed the deer lying in a ditch, and then moved the corpse into the woods.

He is charged with 'sexual gratification with an animal' – but in a magnificent piece of legal footwork, his attorney argues that he can't be guilty of that crime, because a carcass isn't an animal, the Duluth News Tribune reports.

Public defender Fredric Anderson filed a motion last week that claimed: 'The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass.'

He said that if you try to include corpses in the category of 'animals', then 'you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.' The only clear place to draw a line in the definition of what is an animal, and what isn't, was at the point of death, he argued.

He gave the example of a roast turkey – with which it would be illegal to have sex under the broader interpretation of the law – claiming that it was unreasonable to suggest it should still be classified as an animal for the purposes of law.

In response, prosecutor James Broughner argued that a deer carcass is still an animal – pointing out that in his statement to police, Hathaway called the corpse a 'dead deer,' demonstrating that he still thought of it as an animal.

Judge Michael Lucci noted when hearing the arguments that: 'I'm a little surprised this issue hasn't been tackled before in another case.'

If Hathaway is convicted, he could serve up to two years in prison, because of a previous conviction in 2005 for shooting dead a horse called Bambrick. So that he could have sex with it.

Monday, November 13, 2006

A son only a father could love

That’s Going Too Far! obtained this transcript of a phone conversation recorded from an unsecured line between George Bush junior and his father on Wednesday, November 8.

Georgie? You There?

Dad. Uh, Dad?


I…I screwed up the country. Bad. Could use a little help here.

This isn’t the best time, Georgie. Your mother and I are in Palm Springs golfing. Isn’t Uncle Jim there yet?

Yeah, he’s here, but he’s always in meetings. I can’t get him to stop and talk to me.

George, that’s very reassuring.


He’s there to help you. We’ll get this Iraq thing figured out—

Dad, there’s nothing to figure out about Iraq. I’ve told the American people we will stay until we achieve victory.

Right. Hold on… (in the background) Babs, you don’t want to use a four iron here. Jesus, somebody get her the right club. Okay? (back on the phone) Son, you’ve got to let go. Iraq’s going down the shitter faster than grease through a goose. You’re going to have to make some compromises.

(loudly) Compromises? You want me to compromise with the terrorists?

Don’t you raise your voice to me, young man. This is your dad, not some fawning blowhard from FOX.

But the terrorists are out there. Waiting for me.

Waiting for you to what?

Just waiting for me.

Son. Are you drinking?


Listen. I have to tee off now. You just do whatever Jimmy tells you to do. Okay?

But Dad, I’m the President.

Listen to your Daddy. (talking to someone nearby) Yeah, It’s Georgie. No. He’s fine. Everything’s fine. He’ll call you later. (back on the phone) Call your mother tonight. You hear?

Yes, Daddy.

How’s Laura?


Your wife.

She’s okay, I guess.

I have to go now. Just don’t get into Uncle Jim’s way. He’s got a lot to do.

Okay, Daddy. Bye.

Goodbye, Mr. President.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Conservative ideology is a house of cards

Post-election analysis is running hot and heavy. I have my own theory about what happened this past Tuesday, and it’s one you won’t hear from the mainstream media.

Conservatism, as embodied by Bush, Cheney, Rove and, unfortunately, millions of Americans, is simply unworkable in a democracy. The backward-looking philosophy of today’s religious conservatives has as its foundation a house of cards: superstition, self-interest, cynicism, conventional wisdom, bigotry and a penchant for violence. No ideology so built on lies and ignorance can withstand the power of the people indefinitely. There is only one option for the Bushes and Cheneys and O’Reillys to make their worldview seem to work, and that is to do away with democracy.

The frightening thing is that key people in the Bush administration know that democracy is the enemy of their beliefs. That’s the reason they spent five-and-a-half years working night and day to give the President more and more singular authority. You see the only way you can implement the political philosophy of the religious right is through a dictatorship.

Untenable ideologies require a strong man, a father figure with absolute authority, to tell you what is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. There is no room for criticism in a dictatorship, nor is there room for non-conforming scientific results, schools that teach children to think on their own or opposing political parties. A dictator is never wrong.

It is clear the administration was taking advantage of a Republican House, Senate and judiciary to push for dictatorial powers. Their beliefs could not live in a world of competing ideas, thus only a society without competing ideas would do.

It still seems unbelievable that we came so close to losing our country in such a relatively short time, historically speaking. We have been saved for now by the success of the Democrats in the mid-term elections, which will finally put the brakes on this out-of-control administration. However, we need to begin now to patch the cracks in our political system that let this nightmare happen in the first place, from election fraud to overhauling campaign financing, there is much work to be done.

Thankfully, we can get started in January.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Election reflection

On the national level, today’s results couldn’t make me happier. Election day saw the American people wrestle Congress back from the self-serving, corrupt cabal of Bush yes-men. They sent an unequivocal message to the Bushoviks that this administration’s policies and positions are not just unpopular, but wrong, and they won’t stand for it anymore. Bush refused to listen to the people until yesterday. Now he must. And it was a great day for new Democratic governors and state legislators, too.

Here in Minnesota, however, it was a good news/bad news scenario. On the bright side, Democrat Amy Klobuchar gave Bush lap dog Mark Kennedy a well-deserved roundhouse kick to the head and is on her way to Washington. We are sending the first Muslim to Congress. And a tough, smart Lori Swanson is the new attorney general.

On the down side, the RNC pumped in just enough millions of dollars to help the mentally unbalanced Michele Bachmann go to Congress. The woman who speaks to God and eagerly submits to her husband’s will should get along smashingly with GW. They can hold three-way conversations with the Almighty in the Oval Office.

For me, the biggest disappointment of the evening by far was Pawlenty’s win over Mike Hatch for governor. It was so close well into the early morning hours that we all held out a sliver of hope that we’d wake up in the morning to the tune of a Hatch acceptance speech. Unfortunately, that was not to be. I did have a personal interest in the outcome of this race, and it was very tough to watch the best man lose. Mike is pure Minnesota through and through and would have made an outstanding governor. Democrats were looking forward to a governor who would work hard for the teachers and cab drivers and short order cooks and the poor; in other words, all Minnesotans. Instead we got Pawlenty, the conservative ideologue behind the boyish grin who is much more comfortable around corporate CEOs and special interest groups than the people who maintain the grounds at the governor’s mansion. This was a very tough loss.

We move on. America has suffered through a long night of corruption, cynicism, ignorance and fear, but with yesterday’s results, there is reason to hope that the sun will rise again and we can then rediscover the progressive democratic principles upon which this country was founded.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Election Day: When pundits attack

Desperate Republicans are pulling out all the stops on this election day.

Conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham today told listeners they should jam a voter protection hotline with calls. And this was one of the milder suggestions from personalities on the political right.

FOX pundit Bill O’Reilly said people who vote Democratic should be given armbands and patches brandishing a large capital “D” that they must wear at all times in public.

Michael Savage claims he is taking a county sheriff with him to a nearby voting location to have every Democratic voter arrested for treason.

Never one to be upstaged when it comes to advocating violence, Ann Coulter is bringing her three pit bulls with her when she votes. She claims the dogs can, “smell liberal meat,” and will attack at the slightest whiff.

And then here is former comedian Dennis Miller, who, having thrown away his career and his pride, says he will, “Go down today as a martyr for America.” Miller would not furnish any details.

Finally, Sean Hannity of Hannity & Colmes, issued a press release this morning stating that Michael Moore is now a prisoner in his own house and there are only two ways he can escape the detonation of a small nuclear device and certain death. He must either saw off both of his legs using only the brim of his baseball cap or register and vote as a Republican.

Good luck, Michael.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Bush to clear brush on his Paraguay ranch? What's behind this escape clause?

I continue to find the report of Papa Bush’s large land acquisition in Paraguay intriguing. Of course, the story immediately brings to mind images of 43 and his entourage scurrying onto flights in the middle of the night and heading south. And that may be exactly what the land is for, but I also wonder about the circumstances under which such a drastic measure would be taken.

Over the last five plus years, Bush and his administration have lied and blundered their way from one mess to another. There is no question in many people’s minds that this is a totally corrupt syndicate of politicos that has only one goal: self-enrichment. Bush has committed many sins both large and small during his tenure, and I have no doubt whatsoever that some are impeachable offenses. But there’s the rub.

Even if Bush is impeached during his last two years, which is doubtful, it only means he must forfeit his office. Impeachment in and of itself does not mean jail time or civil trials even when the President is found guilty. Now many will argue that President Bush and his crew have committed crimes that could result in criminal trials, war trials and possibly jail time. Perhaps, but Bush and Co. have money, tons of it, which means access to the best lawyers on the planet who will use every delaying tactic known to man. In addition, trials like these often can stretch out for years, possibly decades. Bush could live a long, prosperous life and never see the inside of a jail cell.

The Paraguay solution, if it is indeed an escape hatch, has to be thought of as an absolute last resort. It means leaving behind home, friends, family, associates, business interests, etc. So think about it. Of all the problems that Bush has caused over the years, and I’m sure there will be many more uncovered after he leaves office, what crime could he have committed that would be so horrendous, so shocking to the American people, as to necessitate leaving the country on a midnight plane to a remote South American country?

One comes to mind.


Attention Minnesotans! Vote Hatch.

Vote for Mike Hatch for governor on Tuesday. Don't let the Republicans buy, bully or steal another election.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Hand me my tinfoil hat, please

I keep bumping into the Twin-Towers-were-brought-down-by-explosives 9/11 conspiracy theory during my online travels. As I have said before, I am a sucker for conspiracy theories (pun intended), and this one is certainly intriguing. The most interesting question I have about the events of 9/11, and the one I don’t think has ever been adequately answered is, why did the building known as WTC 7 collapse, exactly as one would expect if it were being demolished, even though it was not hit by a plane? There were some fires in the building, and it was damaged by debris, but if you watch video of the building collapsing on that day, it simply pancakes straight down into its own footprint.

I’m not a physicist or engineer, but there are plenty of experts who argue that the impact of the planes on the two towers that were hit and the resulting fires could cause the buildings to collapse. This conclusion is debatable, but it has no bearing on why WTC 7 collapsed. The official explanation that fires caused the building to fall simply defies logic.

The larger point I want to make is this: Why are people so eager to accept the government’s explanation of events when we know that our government has lied to us many times in the past, and the current administration lies every time it speaks? Why do people think it’s okay not to be skeptical of the “Official Story?” Our recent past as a nation is replete with real, honest-to-goodness conspiracies.

There was a conspiracy to keep the American people from knowing that our CIA was assassinating foreign leaders and interfering in the political affairs of sovereign nations during the 1950s and 1960s. There was a conspiracy to conceal what really happened in the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which was nothing. The story that catapulted the US into a bloody war costing 58,000 American lives was a lie. The Pentagon Papers. The Iran-Contra affair. CIA drug running. The run-up to the Iraq war. We know these were conspiracies because they were exposed. How much shit like this goes on under the radar?

Skepticism of the government’s explanation of things is healthy in a democracy. Unfortunately for our democracy, the corporate pundocracy in America is programmed to instantly heap ridicule on anyone who questions the party line. The attacks of 9/11 are a case in point. Questions exist, serious, large questions, but the blanket of political/corporate interests has been thrown over the questioners and all most Americans hear is a muffled cry. The truth is what George Bush says it is.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Do Americans deserve democracy? Stay tuned.

Has Rove lost control of Bush’s brain? Not that trying to make an imbecile sound coherent and thoughtful was ever an easy task, but there are signs that Rove has taken his hand off of the lever that controls the flow between Bush’s brain and his mouth. Bush seems to be thinking for himself, which means he sounds loonier than ever. Either that or the Republicans are so pathetically desperate they’ve hired Michael Savage to write Presidential speeches.

Think Progress, one of my current favorite sites, reports that Bush said to Sean Hannity that the worst thing about being President was the ugly tone in Washington, noting “I really don’t think it’s fitting for the president to drag the presidency into that kind of a mudslinging.” That was Tuesday. A day earlier on Monday, campaigning around the West, Bush told a group of supporters that his opponents, the Democrats, want America to lose and the terrorists to win.

Democrats want the terrorists to win? What’s going to be the theme of Bush’s next stump speech, “Democrats are coming to kill your babies?” I swear, if the Republicans manage to keep control of the House and Senate based on moronic scare tactics like this, there will be no question in my mind that we have the government we deserve.

I keep wanting to give the American people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intelligence. I want to believe they are smarter than their actions indicate. The people in my life, at work, in my social circles, understand that Bush is an idiot and a grave threat to democracy. We aren’t intellectuals hanging our in Harvard square drinking espressos and smoking foreign cigarettes. We’re just working stiffs who take our kids Trick or Treating, shop at Cub and struggle to make ends meet every month.

Other than the spinmeisters at FOX and a few talk radio clowns, who in the hell takes Bush seriously? Evidently, quite a few people, which begs the question: "How can we have a functioning democracy when millions of Americans are too stupid to know they are being lied to over and over again by their own government?"

Maybe we can’t. We’ll find out in five days.