His Highness Will See You Now

“Coming to office after the more casual Clinton administration, Bush imposed a strict dress code and standards of promptness for employees, visitors and even the rumpled press corps.” Houston Chronicle, June 18, 2005.

That’s Going Too Far! has obtained a copy of the most recent “codes and standards” issued to White House visitors and the press.

May 28, 2005

Office of White House Decorum

To all;

When in the presence of the President of the United States, please observe the following rules:

1.All men must wear a suit and tie. Women must wear modest, work-appropriate attire. Democrats must wear red armbands and remove shoes. The only exceptions are foreign visitors, sports stars and animals.
2.Tardiness to meetings will not be tolerated. Visitors who are late will not be allowed to look upon the face of the President.
3.Touching the furniture in the vicinity of the President is strictly forbidden. Any visitor observed doing this would lose his or her citizenship.
4.Addressing the President in any other manner than, “Mr. President, Sir” will result in an IRS audit and six months of Secret Service surveillance (if not already underway).
5.Kissing the President’s ring is optional but encouraged.
6.Negative remarks made within the President’s “Circle of Safety” are cause for immediate relocation to central Nebraska under the Patriot Act.
7.Any joke that does not make the President laugh will be considered a death threat and appropriate security actions will be taken.
8.Ugliness will not be tolerated. Security will issue head coverings to those persons deemed “unsightly” and the coverings must be worn at all times around the President.
9.Liberals must wear cowboy hats.
10.All visitors must stand at attention while in the vicinity of the President. The only exceptions are family members, who may stand at parade rest.
11.Please do not ask the President to heal any physical malady by laying on hands. His secretary will deal with these matters.
12.Touching the President in any manner will result in your immediate execution (unless he first extends his hand to shake).
13.Never look directly into the President’s eyes.
14.When in doubt, fall to your knees and beg for the President’s forgiveness.