Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Conservatism. There is hope.

Jack, the neurological tests are back and I’m afraid it’s not good news.

What…what is it?

Well, I’m not going to sugar-coat this. You’re conservative, Jack.

Oh God. No.

I’m afraid the evidence is overwhelming. The pathological lying to yourself and others. The anger and tendency toward violence. Lack of empathy. It’s all there.

I thought it was the flu.

It’s not always easy to diagnose. Conservatives can seem quite normal under many circumstances, but once they engage in discussions on politics or religion, the illness becomes quite apparent.

I was so certain I was right.

That’s what the illness does to people, Jack. It acts as a filter to the brain, blocking logic and reason. Lacking the ability to think critically and objectively, you’re left to fall back on superstition and more primitive reactionary thought patterns.

Is there a cure?

It’s difficult but not impossible to cure. What makes it so damned hard, Jack, is that because of your inability to reason objectively, it becomes extremely hard to bring you back to health using logic. All of the perfectly rationale arguments, all of the objective evidence, they really amount to a hill of beans if I can’t somehow break through the filter.

That filter again.

Don’t give up all hope. There are cases of conservatives regaining their mental health and living fulfilling lives.

But…how do I start? What do I do?

Here, Jack. It’s a book. Read it. Think about it. Discuss it with others. Then read another book and another. Opening your mind and rerouting your thought patterns will start you on the road to recovery. Now, I’ll have to excuse myself. I have a serious case of religious fundamentalism to deal with.

Thank you, Doctor.

1 comment:

Nipperhorn said...

Alternative Ending #1

As he makes his way back to the Waiting room, Jack casually looks down at the book that the doctor just handed him.

muses to self: Let's see, what's this one called..."The Bible"? NOOOOooooo!!!