Texas Threatens to Secede. Rest of U.S.: “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Austin, Texas — In recent statements, Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) has suggested that the state of Texas might consider seceding from the Union in response to President Obama’s national policies. The Lone Star State was once a republic, and Gov. Perry is threatening to return to that status “if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people.”

However, in the rest of the country there is jubilation at the prospect of ridding the United States of Texas.

“It’s an albatross around our necks,” said Otis Meyers, a construction worker from Portland, Oregon. “I mean, what’s their contribution to America? The Bush family? Line dancing? Crappy beer?”

Janice Sterns, a police officer from Columbus, Ohio, agreed. “They think of themselves as another country already and speak a different language. I say let them have it.”

High school teacher Ken Eldridge of Denver, Colorado was also in favor of Texas leaving the Union. “It’s a good start. Now if we can just get the rest of the South to follow Texas’s lead, we’d be in great shape.”