Translating Cliven Bundy’s old school racism for today’s conservatives

I came across a headline yesterday that could have been from The Onion or CNN, who can tell? The gist of it was; “Republicans are upset that Cliven Bundy isn’t using the prescribed code words in his racist rants.” Bundy is truly and old school racist in the tradition of many of our grandparents who used phrases like “the negroes” and “those people” and then denied vehemently that they had a racist bone in their bodies. His isolation in the Nevada desert has put him a generation behind.

So I thought I would do Republicans a favor and translate Bundy’s coarse comments into more acceptable, modern conservative language. This is how Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich might tackle the same issue semantically. Here is a Bundy quote:

"And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?" he asked, referring to African-Americans. "They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I've often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn't get no more freedom. They got less freedom."

Here it is translated in contemporary conservative code:

“The American welfare state has its victims; these are the minority men and women who have been trapped in a cycle of dependency for generations, which has undermined their self-respect and denied them the satisfaction of an honest day’s work. Has creating a legacy of dependence benefitted anyone? No. This is modern day slavery that keeps people shackled to the government, dulls their hopes and dreams, and throws off their moral compass. With little motivation or preparation for work, young people turn to crime as an easy way to make money. Are the people living in this grim reality better off than they were generations ago? That, I believe, is debatable.”

RNC, you’re welcome.

Cliven Bundy: The Ugliest American

So Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, the newest poster boy for FOX pundits and grouchy, gun-loving white men everywhere, has sent some of his highest profile supporters scurrying for cover after addressing “the Negro” problem in comments he recently made. In a quote that would bring sympathetic tears to the eyes of a KKK Grand Dragon, Bundy clearly revealed his astonishingly ignorant and racist beliefs.

“They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton,” Bundy was quoted as saying to a group of supporters last Saturday. “And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”

This is the guy that hundreds of militiamen are willing to fight for. Stupid, angry and armed, Bundy symbolizes everything that is wrong with the far right in America. They’re angry as hell, but like a broken compass, never quite sure where to point that anger. They’re quick to resort to violence. Their rationales for believing what they believe have no intellectual underpinnings, but are based purely on folklore and fairy tales. And on top of everything else, they consistently vote for politicians who don’t really care about them and who will make their lives worse.

Bundy says he doesn’t recognize the federal government as legitimate and therefore he shouldn’t have to pay it rent for grazing land. What a crock of shit. The next time I get pulled over for speeding, I’ll tell the officer I don’t recognize the legitimacy of the federal government so I won’t accept his ticket. I’m sure he’ll understand. Bundy is no hero. He’s a racist freeloader who’s trying to skirt the law and get a handout from the government, all while trying to wrap it up in a pretty patriotic bow.

The ballad of Cliven Bundy and the myopic militiamen

The recent drama involving Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy and the Bureau of Land Management is a sad microcosm of our skewed priorities and unfocused anger as American citizens.

For the past twenty years, Bundy has been grazing his cattle on land that has a fee attached to it by the government. The fee was instituted to discourage ranchers from allowing cattle to graze on environmentally sensitive land. Bundy doesn’t like that, and chose not to pay the fee. He now owes the government about $1 million. Bundy has a handful of contorted and unconvincing claims that he feels justify his use of the land. The BLM decided to take action and started rounding up Bundy’s cattle to sell them off. Bundy put out a call, and hundreds of Clint Eastwood wannabes showed up at his ranch armed to the teeth and ready for a fight with the gubrment. The BLM has backed off for now, but everyone involved says that the fight isn’t over.

A rancher has land issues with the U.S. government. Within a day or two of this hitting the news, militia members from all over the West came running to lay down their lives for a guy who is basically deciding what laws he’s going to follow and what ones he’s not going to follow. The government is listening in on your calls, reading your emails and monitoring what websites you visit, all without a warrant. This, friends, is an actual constitutional crisis, but can we get 200 people, hell, twenty people, riled up enough to take to the streets in protest? Uh, no.

Income inequality, the criminal actions of Wall Street, the use of drones, Climate change, the fact that we’ve transitioned from a democracy to an oligarchy; these are real issues that demand our attention and energy as citizens, not some sun baked cowboy with a dubious land claim. While you’re playing High Noon in the Nevada desert, the elites are draining your savings and destroying your economy, killing innocent people in your name, polluting your air and water, and invading your privacy.

The great irony is that these misguided militiamen will go back home and undoubtedly vote for Republicans or Libertarians at the ballot box, thus aggravating every one of the major problems this country faces. The militia members claimed victory after the BLM backed down, but they won nothing and the fracas only served as a minor diversion from the real cancer that is growing and attacking democracy from within.