Last Call

At a Rose Garden ceremony to honor the nation’s kindergarten teachers, a disheveled President Bush shocked the assembled crowd of teachers and children with a profanity-laced speech that ended with the President vomiting on the podium.

Walking unsteadily out of the White House, his shirttails hanging out, the President took to the podium and launched into a policy speech on the need for America to stay the course in Iraq. An aide quickly intervened and seemed to get the befuddled President back on track.

Shortly after welcoming the teachers and students, however, President Bush recalled his own kindergarten teacher, saying he couldn’t remember her name, but that she was a “smelly old b****.” He then recalled that most of his teachers were “a**holes” whose only goal in life was to make him look stupid.

By this point, someone had alerted Laura Bush to the situation, and she came quickly out of the White House and confronted her husband. What she said was inaudible, but Bush’s response was an angry, “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough to drink. I’m the God****** President of the world.” Children started to cry and angry teachers began hustling classes of kids out of the area.

The event ended in pandemonium when the President vomited on the podium several times before being whisked back into the White House by secret service agents.

Aides of the President would not comment on the incident, other than to say Bush was suffering from a serious case of the flu. The White House did send out a brief memo to reporters stating that further reporting of the incident would seriously undermine America’s battle against terrorism.