Baby on board

They’ve been around for years, but I still shake my head in bewilderment when I see one of those yellow “Baby on board” signs in a car window. What does that mean to me as we pass down the road together in close proximity? I’m already distracted reading the sign, which is not a good thing. Maybe in the name of caution I should slow down suddenly, surprising the driver behind me who’s been sitting on my bumper for the past few miles. I could allow for more space as I pass them, thus taking the chance that my tires will get hooked on the shoulder and my car will be thrown into a deadly spin that will endanger the lives of others. Possibly they just want me to turn down my radio.

At any rate, accidents by their very nature are…well, accidental. No one plans to have an accident (unless you’re committing suicide), conversely no one can plan not to have an accident with a “Baby on board” car. It might help if the signs were more specific. “Baby on board. Slow down, asshole.” Or “Baby on board. If you can read this, you’re too close.”

Of course, I could be totally wrong and the signs may actually promote more cautious driving. If so, I would recommend a few other window signs be created, such as: “Relatives from New Jersey on board.” “IKEA purchases on board.” “Born-again on board.” In other words, let me know why I shouldn’t have an accident with you…or should.