Washington, D.C. – Embattled former Bush advisor Karl Rove held an impromptu teleconference this morning form his new office somewhere in northern Paraguay. Sweating profusely, Mr. Rove appeared to be delivering his announcement from inside a small metal hut. His speech was interrupted several times by chickens fighting in the background and what appeared to be native tribesmen pointing machetes at Rove and screaming. The text of Mr. Rove’s speech:
“Fellow Americans. I am very excited and honored to tell you that President Bush asked me yesterday to spearhead a new diplomatic initiative in the strategic South American country of Paraguay. As a special envoy, I will work to establish strong diplomatic ties with the Paraguayan government and oversee the building of a strategic complex to house other American diplomats who will work with me on this endeavor in the future. I truly regret not being able to testify before congress, which I was honestly looking forward to, but my duty to my country and my president must come first. God bless America. Thank you.”
Some on the far left have suggested that Rove went to Paraguay to escape criminal prosecution in the United States because there is no extradition treaty with that country’s government, a charge vigorously denied by a White House spokesperson.
“Everyone knows Karl loves Paraguay and its people. This was an opportunity for him to work in an environment where he can really make a difference. To suggest otherwise is to provide our terrorist enemies with fodder for their propaganda efforts.”
The aide refused to say when Mr. Rove would return to the United States.