Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Inappropriate Thoughts


You know what I wonder about? I wonder about the kids who don’t cry when they sit on Santa’slap at the mall. Here they are straddling the leg of a total stranger with whisky breath touching them in their “no-no” places whose laugh is as phony as his beard. What could be more terrifying than that? The one thing these kids must be thinking is, “I’d better get what I want Christmas morning or someone’s going to die in their sleep. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Mommy.”

And if the Christmas season is supposed to be about Christ, why don’t they have Christ at the mall? Santa’s basically a delivery guy. What could be more appropriate than having your picture taken sitting on Jesus’s knee? And when kids come up, he can ask them, “So, what are getting me for my birthday?”

And don’t get me started on the Easter Bunny.

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