Legal pot melee in Colorado: Man bumps into another man. Says, “Excuse me.”

It was a tense scene in Denver yesterday as hundreds lined up to buy marijuana legally for the first time at pot shops throughout the city. Although the anticipated riots, looting and public nudity never materialized, police believe it was only their presence that prevented a complete breakdown of law and order in the mile-high city.

House painter Doug Lance, who had just purchased an ounce of weed, was asked whether he now planned to go on a violent crime spree. His response? “What?”

Another man “scoring some grass,” data analyst Chuck Andersen from Boulder, tried to convince skeptical reporters that he was not planning to murder his family when he returned home.

There were a few anxious moments for authorities when a woman dropped her car keys in a suspicious manner, but order was restored quickly with minimal disturbance.

Denver Police Chief William Connors told reporters, “We dodged a bullet today. Our SWAT team was ready for the worst, but thankfully cooler heads prevailed and we did not have to shoot or immobilize any citizens. As for tomorrow, we’re adopting a wait and see approach, but we are prepared for anything these crazy, doped up hooligans can dish out.”