Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Trump Says He Would Eat a Live Baby to Keep America Safe

Last night’s Republican debate produced some of the most heated moments of the 2016 Presidential race to date. The debate among the Republican frontrunners had the candidates in a verbal sparing match after a moderator asked the question: “What would you do to keep America safe from terrorism.” Former neurosurgeon Ben Carson answered first.

“At this very moment, I have a team of engineers working on what I call “TerrorScan,” a walk-through scanning device much like the ones used at airports, except this machine will detect terrorists. As President, I will make sure that every Muslim who comes to our shores will have to pass through the “TerrorScan.”

Ted Cruz spoke next.

“That’s a ridiculous idea, Ben. As your next President, l will only allow Muslims into America if they denounce Islam and convert to Christianity. Islam is a religion that breeds violence, totally unlike Christianity, which is a religion of peace. I will create a Christianity test all Muslims will need to take and pass in order to enter this country.”

Carly Fiorina responded.

“I will deny entry to any Muslim. If you haven’t seen the video of terrorists beheading nuns and wiping their rear ends with pages from the Bible, I urge you to watch it. It is horrifying and I don’t want those things to go on in my America. No more Muslims.”

But the loudest roar of approval from the audience came after Donald Trump’s unusually brief statement.

“How would I keep America safe from terrorists? I tell you, I would do anything to keep this country safe. This is serious business. If you came up to me and said, “Donald, the only thing that will keep America safe is if you eat a baby alive, then I would do it. I make that promise to you here and now. I would do it.”

After the debate, some pundits worried that Trump might lose the “mother vote,” but Trump’s campaign clarified his comment, saying that Donald would only eat an orphan baby.

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