President Bernie Sanders?

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders says he may decide to run for president in 2016. He would get my vote. Wow. It would be an extremely interesting presidential race if Sanders were to jump in the fray, because he would be opposed not merely by the Republican and Democratic candidates, but by the entire military/industrial/media complex. Nobody in “the establishment” will want to see Sanders win, because he is too much of a threat to the status quo. Despite some liberal rhetoric during his two campaigns, Obama has proven to be highly malleable, and you know Hillary will fall in line should she win the White House, but not Bernie.

As much as I would like to see him run, Bernie is too far to the left to win the presidency at this point in America’s history. The shadow government will not allow it. Big money will flow to his two opponents, and Bernie will have to rely on small donations from people like me. The mainstream media will marginalize him and his “socialist” ideas. The surveillance agencies will be looking to dig up dirt from his past. Bernie would truly be playing David to the elites Goliath.

All of that being said, there are still many unknown factors that could work in his favor. Who the Republicans and Democrats choose to run will matter. If it’s Hillary for the Dems, his chances grow even dimmer. How the economy is doing will matter. Whether or not we are at war with somebody will matter. The country’s mood for real as opposed to cosmetic change will matter.

Even if Sanders has no chance of winning, it would be a refreshing change to have someone presenting progressive ideas to a national audience in between the psychotic ranting of the right and the disingenuous hyperbole of the establishment Dems.

McCain Shocker: “Pillsbury Doughboy My Son”

Memphis, TN - In a tear-filled admission during a town hall meeting in Memphis yesterday, Republican presidential candidate John McCain confessed that he was the father of the popular television icon the Pillsbury Doughboy.

“I made a mistake many years ago, and it’s time I set the record straight. PD, as I call him, is my son from an affair with a young baker, who’s name I will not divulge. I supported the two financially until PD established himself in the advertising industry, and he and I have maintained close ties over the intervening years.”

McCain’s confession was sparked by his refusal to eat a crescent roll given to him by a supporter. “He cradled the roll gently in his hands and started to sob,” said Janice Freeburg, who baked the rolls in honor of McCain’s visit. “I thought I’d done something wrong until Mr. McCain began whispering to it.”

Apparently, the memories welled up in McCain, making it impossible for him to ignore the subject any longer. “I’m not proud of my behavior, but I am very proud of my son. Despite coming from a single-parent home, and being a small white glob of dough, he overcame these obstacles to achieve success in his field.”

Asked whether this revelation will hurt McCain in his bid for the presidency, a spokesperson for the candidate responded. “Not at all. Everybody loves PD. In fact, we are scheduling some joint appearances in the near future. And no, Mr. McCain will not poke his son in the belly.”

The Obama camp offered no comment on the news, however reporters covering the Democrats campaign were treated to a biscuits and gravy breakfast courtesy of the candidate.

McCain Pledges More War

Columbus, Ohio — Republican John McCain, the self-proclaimed “pro-war” candidate, issued a press release today entitled: “My 10-point Plan for Keeping America in Continuous Conflict.” Insisting that he’s never met a war he didn’t like, McCain promised he would keep America actively engaged in battle throughout his administration’s tenure.

“Let there be no mistake,” said McCain, “Americans love war. It’s in our blood. And I am the only candidate who will guarantee at least four more years of death and destruction. We have the greatest military machine the world has ever known, and by George, I pledge to you that I will use it.”

McCain’s 10-point plan:

1. Increase levels of spending for defense from billions to bazillions.

2. Create a Department of Taunting and Provoking in the Pentagon

3. Treat any country with predominantly dark-skin people as a potential terrorist threat

4. Go Medieval on Russia’s ass if it so much as looks at us cross-eyed.

5. Nominate Chuck Norris for Secretary of Defense.

6. Issue weapons to every American citizen over the age of 10.

7. Build military basis wherever the hell we want to.

8. Level Sweden, Norway and any other left-leaning, socialist, tofu-eating countries.

9. Build walls on both our southern and northern borders — one to keep out illegal immigrants, the other to keep out liberals.

10. Invade first, ask questions later.