Tomorrow's Headlines Today

Director of National Intelligence James Clapper has himself arrested after wife tells him he talks in his sleep

The search for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 continues in Lake Superior

Will Ferrell receives $12 million from fans to not make Anchorman 3

Supreme Court rules the year is actually 1682, don powdered wigs

Nevada Native Americans demand Cliven Bundy get off of their land

Green-clad soldiers with face masks and no insignias seen in Orlando, Tampa and Daytona Beach; Putin denies he is annexing Florida

Kansas suing Colorado over second-hand pot smoke and contact highs

Tomorrow's Headlines Today

Putin Challenges Obama to Thumb Wrestle for Crimea

Paul Ryan Claims Reference to “Lazy Dark-Skinned People” Had Nothing To Do With Race

Billionaires Worry Raising Minimum Wage May Force Them To Cheaper Bentley Model

“Arming Children Best Deterrent to School Shootings” Claims NRA

NASA Says Plane Captured In Mars Rover Photograph Not Malaysia Air Flight MH370

New Phone App Puts NSA On Hold And Plays Scratchy 70s Disco Hits

Tomorrow’s headlines today v2

Director of the NSA Says Office Bugged by FBI at Request of CIA on Tip From DEA Originally Provided by ATF. Obama responds: STFU.

SWAT unit raids child’s tea party on tip from uninvited toy. Winnie-the-Pooh tazed repeatedly.

Plastic Surgeon Reveals He Has Reduced Length of Obama’s Nose Dozens of Times in Past Months

Samsung Introduces New Smart-Ass Phone With Exclusive Insult Apps

Taylor Swift Institutionalized After Day When No New Photos of Her Appear On Internet

Pulitzer Prize for fiction goes to Fall Lake by John Andreini