On a First Name Basis

Washington, DC -- Pat Robertson, head of the 2 million strong Christian Coalition, said today that hurricane Katrina was God’s retribution on America for denouncing his call to assassinate Venezuela’s leader Chavez.

“Make no mistake,” Robertson told a gathering of reporters, “this is God’s answer to those who would try and use my words against me.”

When Robertson was asked how he knew God was punishing America, he said God told him so.

“You people just don’t seem to get it. God and I are like this [held up to fingers wrapped around each other]. He’s not going to allow me to be humiliated and ridiculed without some response. You don’t push around Pat Robertson and get away with it.”

A reporter asked Robertson how he communicates with God. “Prayer, of course. And sometimes through my television set. It can be quite a jolt when you’re watching FOX News and one of the anchor people says, ‘Pat, I have something very important to tell you.’ Whoa. That will catch your attention.”

Questioned about how God could justify the death and destruction of a hurricane like Katrina in response to a television comment, Robertson said, “Hey, God doesn’t go into every detail of his plan with me. He’s a little busy, you know. My only regret is that it’s hitting red states and not blue ones, but, hey, you don’t second guess the big guy.”