George Bush, Starring as...

...Captain James T. Kirk in Star Trek.

The bridge of the Starship Enterprise.

SPOCK
Captain, we are entering the Mecca star system.

KIRK
Speak English, Mr. Spock.

SPOCK
The Mecca star system consists of three major planets, Orbus, Mobus and Imbus. We were sent here to investigate allegations that the Klingons have built a major military outpost on Orbus.

KIRK
Excellent. We’ll attack Mobus at 0400.

SPOCK
But, Captain…

KIRK
Dammit all, Spock. Who’s running this ship?

SPOCK
I am, Sir. And the Klingon base is on Orbus. Why would we attack Mobus?

KIRK
Spock, many years ago, my father came to this system to do exactly what we are doing; hunt down Klingons. He was attacked by a fleet of Klingon scum and his ship suffered major damage and he was drawn into Mobus’ gravitational pull. He and his crew perished on the planet’s surface. Ergo, it must be destroyed.

SPOCK
Captain, if I might just--

KIRK
You may not. Mr. Sulu, steer us to sector Gamma.

SULU
Captain, that will take us away from our intended target.

KIRK
Of course it will. As Captain of the ship, I must direct this military campaign from a safe distance. Besides, Mr. Spock, I know
there are Klingons on Mobus.

SPOCK
Mobus has a surface temperature of 240 degrees Fahrenheit. Nothing can live on that planet.

KIRK
That’s what the scientists will tell you, but they’re wrong. My gut tells me Klingons cover the planet’s surface like a fungus, building their damnable weapons of mass destruction.

SPOCK
Your thought process is highly illogical, Captain.

KIRK
Yes. And that’s the beauty of it. Warp five, Mr. Sulu….