Republican Animalia

Sheep – Always drive the speed limit. Not overly religious, but go to church because that is what’s expected of them. Don’t question authority. They are followers. Susceptible to simplistic emotional appeals and buzzwords (“No new taxes.” “Fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here,” etc.). They don’t like to have their beliefs or prejudices challenged.

Swine – The rich who believe they deserve everything they’ve got. Rationalize their wealth and privilege in many ways, more and more often through religion. Have little to no respect for the less well off. “If I can do it, anybody can do it.” Consume without conscience. Social Darwinists. Hate environmentalists.

Vultures – Loud, obnoxious, bald-headed scavengers who are content to let everyone else do the hard work. They love the military, guns, and tough-talk, but when asked to kill dinner, or serve in a combat situation, they have other things to do. They have no problem letting the young and the poor make the kill, or be killed, and then exploiting the situation to their advantage.

Snails – Slow moving slugs out of pace with the rest of society. Live in their own world. Drive 55 in the left lane in their rusted out American cars. They carry their armor with them as if constantly expecting to be attacked. Dull witted and paranoid. Literalists who love slapstick humor and don’t get satire. Often getting stepped on by those up the food chain but can never grasp who’s doing the crushing.

Flies – Flies are born and grow up in things like decaying flesh, animal dung and pools of stagnant water. Republican flies are born and grow up in houses with decaying minds, racist attitudes and religious intolerance. As adults, they prefer the smell of bullshit and dead, decaying ideas. They are highly irritating as they buzz in your face (and some will bite) and can make enjoying the outdoors impossible. Their filth-covered appendages can lead to the spread of ignorance and hatred, which they seem to enjoy.