Friday, October 20, 2006

Weapons of Mass Disappearance

What do you fear? AIDS? Nuclear holocaust? Dick Cheney? Forget it. The greatest threat to civilization as we know it is now reality.

The Cloak of Invisibility.

Scientists have created a cloak that can make physical objects invisible. According to an article in the most recent issue of Science, “In their first successful experiment, researchers from the United States and England were able to cloak a copper cylinder.

“It's like a mirage, where heat causes the bending of light rays and cloaks the road ahead and behind an image of the sky.

"’We have built an artificial mirage that can hide something from would-be observers in any direction,’ said cloak designer David Schurig, a research associate in Duke University's electrical and computer engineering department.”

Oh, the horror. This invention has the potential to turn human society into absolute and utter chaos. Think for a moment. Ask yourself: “What would I do if I could be invisible?” Now, as horrible and perverted as that might be, consider if Jeffrey Dahmer or Pat Robertson or that crazy little guy from North Korea had cloaks of invisibility. What if Al Qaeda had access to cloaks? What if CIs fell into the hands of college fraternity brothers or Republicans?

Do you see the magnitude of the threat? You would never feel safe again. You’d never know when someone was watching you. Not that you or I have anything to hide, but you can bet others do. Privacy would be all but eliminated.

There is only one solution other than mass hysteria. We must demand that these same scientists who invented the Cloak of Invisibility work simultaneously to create the Anti-Cloak of Invisibility. A device that can detect people wearing the cloak. This must be done.

If we fail in this effort, we will never be able to look ourselves in the mirror again…because we’d be invisible. But you know what I mean. Cloaks of Invisibility must never see the light of day. Aaargh. Sorry.

Maybe there are uses for CIs after all.

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