Friday, August 29, 2008

Caught on tape: John McCain’s VP deliberations

Washington, D.C. – A startling tape recording of John McCain discussing Sarah Palin, his pick for vice president, was leaked to the press this afternoon. It’s believed a disgruntled campaign worker made the tape available to the media. This is a transcript of the conversation.

Voice: Just talked to Rove. Lieberman’s out.

McCain: What? That little piece of shit. You know he wouldn’t last two hours in a North Vietnamese prison camp. He’d squeal like a pig the first time he got his balls squeezed.

Voice: Yes Sir.

McCain: Okay. Who does that leave?

Voice: Uh, only one person. Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska.

McCain: Palin? Don’t know her.

Voice: Here’s her picture.

McCain: Whoa. She’s hot.

Voice: Former beauty queen, I think. But very inexperienced.

McCain: She looks experienced to me. In a good way.

Voice: Sir, she’s articulate but not all that bright. Biden will rip her to shreds in a debate.

McCain: And check out that rack. Those things could suffocate a man.

Voice: Right. She’s been governor less than two years. Mayor of some little shit hole town before that.

McCain: You said ‘shit hole.”

Voice: Sir. Are you all right?

McCain: I want her...to be my running mate.

Voice: Are you sure about that? You don’t know—

McCain: She’s the one. I feel it. Get her one the phone now.

Voice: But—

McCain: Don’t argue with me. Make this happen.

Voice: Yes sir.

McCain: I gotta take a leak…and review this picture further.

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