Monday, August 04, 2008

McCain wears pillowcase to Alabama press conference. Claims it’s for skin protection.

Selma, AL - Presidential candidate John McCain showed up at a press conference in Selma wearing a white pillowcase over his head with eye holes cut out. He apologized to the audience, telling them that his skin is highly sensitive to sunlight and he is very concerned about skin cancer.

An African-American reporter asked McCain if he understood the significance of his unusual attire.

“What? If you’re referring to the racist KKK, I am offended, Sir. Offended. That is ancient history and should be treated as such. To insinuate that I have a racist bone in my body is to insult me and my record of public service.”

Another reporter asked McCain if a wide-brim hat wouldn’t be enough to shield his face from the sun.

“I am a fiscal conservative. Hats are much more expensive than pillowcases, especially ones from the hotel room, which are free. And I don’t look good in a hat.”

A third questioner wanted to know if he wasn’t pandering to racist Southern voters. McCain exploded into a rant.

“You are slandering me and I won’t stand for it. That is a disgusting accusation, and if we were living in the Old South — a wonderful period in American history, I might add — I would challenge you to a duel to the death, my friend. You have insulted my honor and my reputation.”

McCain then gave what to many in the crowd looked like a Nazi salute and stormed from the podium, effectively bringing the press conference to a close.

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