• Michael Jackson and George Bush share the same jail cell
• Someone from Cost Cutters ties down Donald Trump and gives him a decent haircut
• My own island
• An election recount that finds Kerry actually won
• The death of rap
• Newspaper comics that are actually funny
• A Pulitzer Prize
• A driver’s license photo that doesn’t make me look like a terrorist
• An epiphany for everyone with a red-state-of-mind
• The death of reality shows
• A liberal television network
• Iowa Hawkeyes win the Rosebowl
• Democrats find the cajones to out Republicans as the undemocratic thugs they really are
• The death of talk radio
• $76 bazillion
• America gives Iraq back to the Iraqis
• Limbaugh, Coulter, Hannity, O’Reilly, et. al publicly apologize to the world for being morons and getting paid for it, and then have their heads shaved
• A kitty
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