In a rare public appearance, George Bush’s good twin Cecil held a press conference today pleading with his evil other to resign.
“For too long I have stood behind the scenes trying to reach out to George in private, but he has refused to heed my words. The man is intoxicated by grandiose notions of religious crusades nurtured by his self-serving circle of Charlemagnes. No more. I declare today that George must either come to his senses immediately or resign. I have done all I can do.”
Asked if he felt President Bush would act on his request, Cecil appeared exasperated. “He is maddeningly stubborn. When we were children, I tried to get him to stop pulling the wings off of flies and trapping prairie dogs to torture them, but it was to no avail. He has always been motivated by emotional impulses, not rationale analysis. He thinks he’s channeling John Wayne.”
The White House responded to Cecil’s public pronouncements by calling him an election-year tool of the Democrat party. “Cecil and President Bush have been estranged for many years. Unfortunately, Cecil has chosen to publicly criticize the President in the midst of a war, which we find unacceptable. His close association with Democratic causes over the years is clear evidence that this event was politically motivated.”
A spokesperson for Cecil denied the charges, saying the good twin’s motivations were purely altruistic. Asked to comment on the incident, Vice President Chaney laughingly suggested he and Cecil go quail hunting some day.