You don't give the village idiot the keys to the armory or How many metaphors will it take to save America?

If Bush goes to Congress asking for some sort of authority to bomb Iran, and the Democrats don’t stand up and shout in unison, “When monkeys fly out of our asses, you moron,” I may have to go on a weeklong drinking binge and hope that when I sober up I’m either on some new plane of existence or Canada has annexed Minnesota.

Any Democrat who supports an attack on Iran should be drummed out of the party. I envision a ceremony where the miscreants kneel before Democratic elders clothed only in a tie-dyed G-string and Birkenstocks, and are forced to listen to Gilbert Godfried read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights for 24 hours straight.

Bush and his gang of neocon nitwits smash up the family car every time they take it out. Is it responsible to give them the keys AGAIN? No one wants Iran to develop nuclear weapons, but that doesn’t mean you give the job of stopping them to a man who makes Paris Hilton look smart.

Democrats, Bush is not capable of being President. Yes, he sits in the Oval Office and flies on Air Force One and wears a nice, shiny lapel pin, but you know he is not fit to lead Liechtenstein, let alone the most weapon-heavy country on earth. Giving this madman any additional authority to use the military is nothing short of handing a pyromaniac matches and a gas can. It’s signing America’s death warrant.

If we attack Iran, you don’t need to be Nostradomus to predict that the Middle East will explode. Bush will have succeeded in bringing Armageddon down upon all of us. Don’t give him the opportunity.