Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Fed up with liberal America? Your new Eden awaits you.

A lot of conservatives are really, really upset that Obama won reelection, and there have been more than a few overwrought conservative bloggers and pundits threatening to leave the United States. My first reaction is, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” but then I wondered where on this planet would they go? Who would welcome our Calvinist Wingnuts into their communities?

Canada? Although our giant neighbor to the north has listed to the political right in recent years, it still has a long history of experimenting with socialism and openness that I think would make many of our gun-toting evangelical Tea Baggers uncomfortable. Latin or South America? Lazy brown people with tainted drinking water. Africa? Hahahahahahah. Australia? There’s a possibility. Oh wait. They have compulsory voting, universal healthcare, no death penalty, evolution is taught in schools and the PM is a female, unmarried atheist. Not working for us. Europe? Ground zero of the secular, socialist, one world government experiment? Don’t think so. Russia? Nyet. Let’s just check Asia off of our list right now.

Okay, what does that leave? Ah, right. There is one part of the world that might work. Women are second-class citizens. Check. Religion dominates all aspects of society. Check. Guns and other weapons are prevalent and easy to obtain. Check. Men dominate government and dictate laws. Check.

Welcome, evangelical Americans. Welcome to the one part of the world where you will feel completely comfortable and at home: The Middle East.

No comments: