Friday, November 16, 2012

Romney: Why I Lost. Really.

Yesterday, That’s Going Too Far! was sent a copy of confidential notes that were taken during a meeting held by Romney’s top campaign consultants the morning after last weeks election results were known. The free wheeling brainstorm meeting was held to discuss Romney’s reaction to the loss. As we now know, the winning excuse was that Obama bribed voters to support him with government “gifts.” Here are some alternative responses that were apparently considered but rejected by Romney.

  1. I was the victim of a liberal media/Jewish/NWO/ socialist/ACORN conspiracy.
  2. Obama used secret Kenyan mind control techniques his father taught him.
  3. Mysterious “smart people” showed up at polling places in traditionally “dumb” precincts.
  4. White people were afraid that if they didn’t vote for Obama, he’d come to their houses and beat them and rape their women.
  5. I was tricked into debates where questions about politics were asked.
  6. My Mormon underwear was in the dirty laundry on Tuesday.
  7. Electronic voting machines worked the way they were supposed to.
  8. Michael Brown sent me an email on the eve of the election that said, “Don’t worry, Mitt. I’ve got everything under control.”
  9. I was having an affair with David Petraeus.
  10. I was just too brutally honest, and people couldn’t handle the truth.

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