Medical Alert: Get Your E-Count Checked Today

The setting is a doctor’s office. A middle aged man sits in a chair waiting. After a few beats, the doctor enters, looking through some paperwork.

Dr.
Well, we have the test results back, Dave.

Dave
Good news? Bad news?

Dr.
A mix, I’m afraid. Most of the results are fine. Cholesterol is within acceptable limits. White count is okay. No blood in the stool.

Dave.
That all sounds pretty good.

Dr.
It is, Dave. But there is one area of concern. Your E-count is very low. Have you ever had that checked before?

Dave
E-count? No, I don’t think so. What is it?

Dr.
It’s your level of empathy. Very low E-count.

Dave
Empathy? I don’t understand.

Dr.
It’s not a life-threatening issue, Dave, but it does have a direct impact on your socialization skills, ability to effectively function around others.

Dave
I function very well around others. I’m manager of my department, belong to the Chamber of Commerce…I even teach an accounting course at the community college.

Dr.
Uh huh. What is your first reaction when you see a homeless person on the street?

Dave
That they should get a job, like everybody else.

Dr.
People on welfare?

Dave
They’re lazy.

Dr.
Starving children in Africa?

Dave
It’s God’s way of telling them to stop having so many damn kids.

Dr.
The French?

Dave
Arrogant assholes.

Dr.
Do you hear yourself, Dave?

Dave
What? That’s what I believe.

Dr.
I don’t doubt that. But your low E count has a direct effect on your beliefs. When the E-count is as low as yours, it manifests itself in a complete inability to put oneself in the shoes of another, so to speak. You only have the ability to see simple solutions to complex problems. You’re driven by the idea that the government is out to get you and so is everyone else who doesn’t think like you. Sound familiar?

Dave
Yeah, Doc. It sounds like me.

Dr.
Your lack of empathy leads to distrust and animosity towards your fellow human beings, which is truly a destructive frame of mind.

Dave
I never thought it was a medical problem.

Dr.
Few people want to talk about. It’s very controversial, but it affects millions all around the globe.

Dave
What can do, Doc? Is there a cure?

Dr.
I’m afraid there is no magic bullet. But it is treatable. (sits down and writes out a prescription) Here. (hands the script to Dave) First, turn off all talk radio.

Dave
No Rush?

Dr.
I know it’ll be tough. There’s no easy way to do this. Second, take some courses at the college where you teach that apply critical thinking.

Dave
Critical thinking? What’s that?

Dr.
It’s an amazing way to view the world, Dave. It will allow you to look at a problem or issue and see a variety of possible solutions, instead of making an instantaneous judgment based on your prejudices.

Dave
Sounds experimental. Weird.

Dr.
Not really. It’s used successfully by many, many people. Finally, you need to exercise your mind. Every day, when you see someone you despise, think to yourself: “What if that were me”?

Dave
This is going to be hard, Doc.

Dr.
I know, but nothing good ever comes easy. Let’s set up a return appointment in three weeks and see how it’s going.

Dave
Thanks, Doc. It's good to know there's hope.

Dr.
You're on the road already.