Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Ex-President Bush Suffers Case of Delirium

WASHINGTON – Attributed to the sweltering heat and humidity in Sri Lanka where he is overseeing tsunami relief efforts, former President George H.W. Bush made a series of startling confessions to a group of international reporters yesterday.

The incident was touched off when a reporter who had been with President Bush on a trip to Warsaw 16 years earlier, reminded the ex-president of the “raincoat incident.” A woman, one of thousands of onlookers, was caught unprepared in a downpour at the president's outdoor speech in the capital in 1989. Alongside her was a U.S. Secret Service agent with a raincoat folded over his arm, which everyone assumed was the presidents.

Bush motioned for the agent to give the soaked woman the coat. The incident was reported as a kindly gesture by the president, but when reminded of the incident, Bush declared, ``Yes, but it was the agent's raincoat.''

The president, however, didn’t stop there. He went on to tell the stunned reporters that he knew who really shot President John F. Kennedy; that he personally negotiated to have the Iranian hostages held until after Reagan’s inauguration; that he was b****-slapped by Nancy Reagan several times; that his son, the current president, is mildly retarded; that he threw up into the Japanese prime minister’s lap on purpose; and that he told his son that if he didn’t bring down Saddam Hussein, he could forget about ever driving the boat at Kennebunkport again.

Aides quickly interceded and had the ex-president rushed to a nearby hospital for treatment. Reporters where later briefed that Mr. Bush had suffered from a bout of temporary delirium, and that all statements were to be considered heat induced and not to be taken as fact. President Bush, clearing brush at his Texas ranch, could not be reached for comment.

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