Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Mehlman Outs Hillary

WASHINGTON DC – In a press release sure to raise eyebrows from Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon, Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman asserts that the mysterious second person to leak Valarie Plame’s name to the media was Hillary Clinton.

“Let her record speak for itself,” said Mehlman at an impromptu press conference. “Hillary Clinton has been at the center of virtually every Washington scandal over the past fifteen years. This treasonous activity has her name written all over it.”

When asked if he had any evidence implicating the New York Senator in the Plame affair, Mehlman scoffed. “Of course I do. I have eye witnesses, receipts, video. I’ve got enough hard evidence to put Killery away for a long, long time.”

Reporters asked to see the evidence, but were rebuffed. “How stupid do you think I am?” asked Mehlman. “It’s in a safe place. At the appropriate time I will turn over everything I have to the authorities.”

“This witch hunt in the administration must stop,” continued Mehlman. “To assert that God-loving, God-fearing people like Karl Rove and Libby Scooter could be involved in treasonous activities is beyond belief. It’s ludicrous. No, you have to look at suspects who have demonstrated amoral behavior time and time again. That would be Democrats, specifically, the female Senator from New York. I don’t even like saying her name.”

Reporters pressed Mehlman to reveal any actual evidence he had against Clinton. Mehlman then held a piece of paper over his head. “This, ladies and gentleman, is an inventory of all the evidence I have against Hillary Clinton. One hundred and....ten separate pieces of damning evidence. I will be turning this list over to the FBI shortly after I leave this press conference.”

Repeated calls to FBI officials have not been answered.

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