Thursday, July 14, 2005

Son of Rove

The rumors have been flying around the beltway that 43 is already putting out discreet feelers for someone to replace Karl Rove. While the media types chase their tales around the city, That’s Going Too Far! has already confirmed this story. In fact, we have obtained a questionnaire that is being sent on the very hush-hush to potential candidates for Rove’s replacement. Here is what they want to know about the second most powerful man in the world (behind Cheney):

1. A prominent Senate Democrat starts making noises about impeachment hearings. Your response is:
a. Press releases and the talk show circuit
b. Sic Zel Miller on her
c. Pay her daughter’s daycare worker to pump the child for dirt
d. Send talking points to FOX

2. An upcoming Senate race is razor close in an important red state. Your strategy is:
a. 24-hour surveillance
b. Hacking opponents computers
c. Leak to press opponents arrest for marijuana 30 years ago
d. Pay opponents cleaning service to tell all

3. A high profile Republican governor is implicated in a sex scandal. You would help by:
a. Getting every law enforcement agency in the state to look into the pole dancer’s background
b. Having the Pope speak in the governor’s defense
c. Starting a war somewhere
d. Giving the governor the Medal of Freedom

4. A very hot Hollywood star is dissing the President at every opportunity. How would you handle this?
a. Have Jerry Falwell conduct a revival meeting at the Hollywood Bowl
b. Accuse the star of being a former Republican
c. Pay his make-up person for dirt
d. Have the Pope excommunicate the offender

5. The President’s ratings with the American people are in the tank. How would you fix this?
a. Have the President give a prime-time speech in which he reveals he has a life-threatening disease
b. Have the President survive a “terrorist attack”
c. Capture Osama Bin Laden
d. Send the twins to Iraq

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