Bush and Brush

George Bush is once again at his Texas ranch clearing brush, according to White House aides. The greatest natural disaster in modern times is unfolding in Southeast Asia, and he is moving bramble around on his godforsaken patch of dust like Sisyphus in a Stetson. How much brush can there be to clear? And what the hell is he “clearing” it away for? Is he planning to build a landing strip on the lower 40? Create the world’s largest ball of brush? Or is the phrase “clearing brush” a code for some other more nefarious activity, like poking Laura or working on invasion plans for Canada?

I suspect that by now, they have to truck in brush to the ranch from another part of Texas while Bush is in Washington D.C. God help us if there’s a brush shortage or a statewide brush fire. He’d have to clear something else, like prairie dogs or cow pies, if there actually are animals on his ranch. Or he might have to switch to an entirely new activity such as digging holes or stacking rocks.

As a last resort, they could end up importing brush from Mexico. The CIA would strike deals with black market “brush traders” along the border. Black helicopters would make runs to Laredo in the dead of night to pick up the brush and then fly back to drop it over the ranch. They would eventually be found out, but everyone would simply deny it, and the brush flap would flounder and die.

It’s a hard job clearing brush on a Texas ranch. It’s a lot like continually trying to push a large boulder up a hill.

Fear, Money and Truth.

Many of us who lived through the Watergate era still regard Woodward, Bernstein and the Washington Post as heroes for having the courage to expose a corrupt administration. Thirty years or so later, it is the press from which we must be saved.

As the major networks mumble flimsy excuses as to why they are withholding the 2004 presidential election raw exit poll data from Rep. Conyers and other investigators, the press becomes the barrier to truth instead of the bearer of truth. The “truth finding” role of the press is now in the hands of bloggers who are the primary investigators keeping the heat turned up on the election day scandal. Bloggers and amateur investigators on the Internet may in fact be the last firewall protecting this country from the “Theocracy Virus.”

The great irony, of course, has been the willingness of the press to report on voting problems in the Ukraine election, only to completely ignore those same problems here at home. Their lack of enthusiasm to investigate the many irregularities and problematic incidents reported on November 2 speaks volumes about where their loyalties lie.

Clearly we cannot have a healthy democracy if the press is merely a mouthpiece for the wealthy and influential. The unreported voting scandal is unfortunately a symptom of a larger trend toward unanimity in the messages we are presented as news, which stems from to the continuing consolidation of our media in this country and the administration-whipped fear among American citizens.

Fear and money. Two powerful forms of persuasion. Can the truth compete?

My Predictions for 2005

I was visited by the spirits recently (actually, I drank them) and they provided me with vast and wondrous knowledge of future events. Here, then, are my predictions and prognostications for 2005. May God help us all.

• The Cubs will not win the World Series

• George Bush will be bitten by a rattlesnake while clearing brush at his ranch (they now haul it in for him to clear) and will have a near death experience during which hordes of masked midgets (he hates midgets) surround him and kick his shins until he breaks down and confesses to being an arrogant, self-serving imbecile who has no right to be President of the United States. Upon his recovery he takes a vow of poverty, resigns from office and opens a Tea Room in Calcutta.

• Dick Cheney survives heart attack #9 and will be more pissed off than ever.

• Donald Rumsfeld will resign and open a chain of daycare centers called “Sit Down and Shut Up.”

• A major earthquake will hit Southern California killing thousands. Bush refuses to send federal relief as it “may be used to provide aid and comfort to members of the anti-American Hollywood elite.”

• Although it will gross tens of millions, the new Star Wars movie is panned by critics for introducing the character Little Black Simbo, a small, dark-skinned minstrel creature from the planet Al Ibama. George Lucas will vehemently deny any racist undertones to the character and claim Simbo is from a totally fictitious alien society of entertainers and athletes.

• A reality show will be introduced on the FOX channel that pits real death row inmates in mortal combat with each other. The winner will get extra recreation privileges. Audience members decide the losers fate by voting thumbs up or thumbs down. The show will be hosted by Ann Coulter and Rob Zombie.

• The U.S. will withdraw troops from Iraq on May 10, 2005. War with Iran will be declared on May 11, 2005. Syria is penciled in for November.

• To help offset the growing federal deficit, administration officials will wear product logos on their clothes at all public events. Firestone, Apple, General Motors, Sony, Halliburton, Chrysler Daimler and Xerox will be the first major companies to sign on to the project. According to administration officials, revenue from the advertising could add as much as $10 million a year to the federal budget. “This is free enterprise at it’s finest,” Vice President Chaney will say.

• The first human will be cloned in 2005. Unfortunately, it will be a clone of Regis Philbin.

• Michael Jackson will be convicted of child molestation and sent to a women’s prison in Slovakia for his personal protection.

• Arnold Sshwarzenegger will learn to speak English and become a Democrat.

• Cuba will stage a preemptive attack on the United States, landing several ships of soldiers on a Miami beach. The Cuban soldiers will briefly control the bar at the Tropicana Hotel before being subdued by hotel security.

• Adam Sandler will be the leading contender for a Best Actor Oscar for his starring role in “The Story of Half-Wit Billy, Retarded Moron.”

• The blog “That’s Going too Far!” will be discovered by someone famous who will hire the author to write some stuff for a truckload of money.

Father Knows Best, 2020

Life in Bush’s America

Scene: The kitchen of a typical American suburban home at breakfast. Joe sits at the table sipping coffee and reading the paper. Mary is at a counter preparing food. Their children, Chip and Julie, are eating cereal.

Joe
Mmm. Says here the government is going to start drafting twelve-year olds for that Mid East mess.

Mary
Really. Thank God Chip is only ten.

Chip
Whattaya mean. I wanna go. They get to throw hand grenades.

Julie
Shut up, Dork. Do you want to die?

Chip
Hardly any of our guys die, Stupid. Besides, it’s un-American not to go.

Julie
Where’d you hear that?

Chip
My teacher. He was there. He’s only got six fingers now. And we have to shout so he can hear us.

Julie
Dork.

Mary
Julie….

Julie
Well he is, Mom.

Chip
Mr. Frost isn’t a dork. He’s a war hero.

Julie
I was talking about you.

Joe
Kids. Everyone have their homework done?

Julie
How can I? I’m in a group project with Donald the Dimwit who won’t get his part done. It’s going to be late because of him.

Joe
Mmm. Maybe if the class knew his father is a Democrat, he might be “motivated” to get his part finished.

Mary
Joe….

Joe
What? I don’t like it that Bill’s kid is even allowed to go to public school. The garbage they believe. Doesn’t surprise me his kid is the odd man out.

Julie
Thanks, Dad. Good idea.

Chip
(to Julie) I thought you had a crush on Donald.

Julie
(to Chip) Shut up. I never had a crush on Donald.

Joe
Better not.

Julie
He’s a dork. And a troublemaker.

Mary
Let’s not be quite so judgmental. Not every child has the benefit of a healthy, moral upbringing. The President says we as Christians need to show sympathy and compassion toward the less fortunate, even Democrats.

Chip
My teacher says we should put Democrats in special camps. What’s a camp, Dad?

Joe
A place where people live who…share similar beliefs. It’s a way of keeping wrong beliefs from infecting others.

Chip
You mean, camps like the Jews are in?

Joe
Yeah. And the Hindus and Buddhists and Catholics.

Mary
It’s really for their own protection, Chip.

Joe
And ours. (still scanning the paper) Wow. Looks like Aaron Blass is going to get off with a slap on the wrist.

Mary
Our neighbor?

Joe
Missed church three Sundays in a row without a valid excuse.

Mary
Oh my….

Joe
Yeah. It’s a year for each day of church missed.

Mary
That seems a little excessive.

Joe
Not really. He could have been stoned to death.

Chip
He helped me fix my bike once.

Julie
My friend Nancy’s older brother missed like months of church. He disappeared and they haven’t seen him in like three years.

Joe
(getting up from the table and stretching) Gotta get going. The homos aren’t going to gas themselves. (kisses Mary on the cheek)

Mary
Have a good day, Dear.

Chip and Julie
‘Bye Daddy….

Joe
(At the door) ‘Bye kids. Make Jesus proud today. (Exits)

The Joke's On Me

I don't usually post jokes, but this one was sent to me last week and I couldn't resist. It contains two of my favorite topics: Hell and Bush getting what he deserves. Enjoy.


George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Teetering On the Razor’s Edge

The current national debate on the future of Social Security is a classic example of how the conservative mind works. I’m not a philosopher or debater, so I don’t know the formal term for this, but the approach conservatives take on almost every issue starts with a conclusion and then works to prove (or make) that conclusion correct. For instance, as a conservative, I believe cats are better than dogs, so I will now proceed to prove that cats are better than dogs. The approach taken by the rest of us, at least those of us living in the reality-based world, is to start with a question, “Are cats or dogs better?” We would then conduct research to see if there is indeed any significant advantage of one over the other. If the data clearly indicates there is a difference, we can then say with confidence, “Cats are better than dogs.”

With Social Security, the conclusion drawn by conservatives is that Social Security is a bad thing because it smacks of socialism and because it is a government-run program, which, as we all know, is abhorrent by its very nature. The problem here is that most economists do not believe Social Security is in ruins, as the Bush administration is claiming, and that there are ways to solve the program’s problems that are far less drastic and less costly than scrapping it. But because the conclusion has already been reached by conservatives, Bush can only do one of two things: change his position or try to shape reality to fit the conclusion he has come to. Of course Bush will choose the latter, which he has, by trying to make Social Security sound as though it is in much worse shape than it is.

The same line of reasoning was used in the run up to the Iraq invasion. The decision was made long before 9/11 that Saddam Hussain had to go and his oil fields secured. The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon offered an opportunity to accomplish this, with one small problem. Iraq was not involved in 9/11 or other worldwide terrorist activity. But the decision had already been made, so, in classic conservative logic, the only thing to do was make the intelligence justify an invasion of Iraq. We have since learned that the claims made prior to our invasion were virtually all bogus.

We all have our prejudices and opinions about the world in which we live. Cats are, in fact, better than dogs. But if we have learned one thing as a species during our time on earth to this point, it should be that believing something is so doesn’t necessarily make it so. We once believed the world was flat. It is not. We once believed the earth was the center of the universe. It is not. Humans have made their greatest advancements when logic and emotion have been in relative balance or harmony, with neither completely dominating the other. When logic (or pseudo logic) does override emotion, we’ve ended up with sterile, soulless societies that tend to squash the individual in favor of the larger good. But when emotion has taken over, we’ve ended up with societies tyrannized by superstition, kept under control through fear and intimidation (think Afghanistan).

Like all countries, the United States has gone through mood swings between logic and emotion in its history. What has kept us from completely falling off the razor’s edge to one side or the other has been the documents created by this country’s founders—the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. As long as we have accepted the authority of these documents, our country has so far escaped the extremist pitfalls of other governments around the globe. But the Constitution is under attack today, and with all three branches of government controlled by the attackers, it is a frightening moment in our history.

Starting from the arrogant proposition that they are doing God’s work on earth, Bush and his people strive daily to reshape this multifaceted, multicolored country to fit their monochromatic view of life through disinformation, intimidation, manipulation and lies. They are good at it, but no matter how dark the night, the sun will rise, and there will come a time when gut instincts and willful ignorance will give way to logical analysis and a respect for knowledge—balance will be regained. I just hope we’re all around to see it.

Something Stinks

Billboards surfaced recently in Florida featuring a huge photo of Bush’s face and the distinctly Hitlerian slogan “Our Leader.” At around the same time, Bush visited Camp Pendleton wearing some type of faux military jacket, a la Fidel Castro and any of a dozen other dictators past and present. What’s happening here? Is Bush starting to actually believe he has been appointed by God to rule America? Are we being prepared for the declaration of Martial Law making Bush President for life? I sense a degree of desperation on the part of Conservative Christians in America that Bush may be their one and only chance to take control of the government and mold it in their image, and you know they are not going to be eager to give it up in four years.

Some of Bush’s statements since the election have been equally unsettling, alluding to a mandate (the voice of the people) not supported by the election results themselves. And he is moving quickly—and with total disregard for bipartisanship—to fill the ranks of exiting cabinet members and judgeships with far-right ideologues and political lap dogs. It all smells rancid to me. It reeks of something antidemocratic and cultish, an ideological coup in our capital by people who reflect and represent only one small slice of the American pie.

The stench of theocracy permeates the halls of the White House and Capital Hill. From the push for school prayer to the desire to post the Ten Commandments anywhere and everywhere, Bush and his lawmaker lackeys are emboldened to reshape our democracy into the capital of a militaristic Christian empire. It’s as though Falwell and Robertson and fellow demagogues have become impatient with the slow movement of the Evangelical tide to convert the earth to Christianity, and are poised to speed up the process by force.

George Bush is not an intelligent person, so it isn’t hard to envision him being manipulated by Cheney and Rove and others into believing he is “chosen” to be Our Leader. The adulation of fans, the servitude of staff, the glamour and glitz, the power and might: These can be highly intoxicating and, if deftly manipulated, highly motivating. A weak but ambitious man like Bush can be steered in ways that serve the interests of the few while appearing to serve the interests of many. Keeping Bush cloistered and away from the news and news conferences helps maintain the “anointed one” illusion and deny his critics a target.

Would they be so bold? So audacious? It has happened before in history. There’s no reason to assume it couldn’t happen here. In fact, there is no speculation beyond the pale when you are dealing with people who believe they are doing God’s work. Vote rigging and voter intimidation in 2000 and 2004 could be merely a prelude to more dramatic attacks on democracy. If you don’t think the Bush administration and its evangelical allies are capable of orchestrating a coup in the guise of national security or a national emergency, take another whiff. Something stinks, and it’s not yesterday’s garbage.

News Alert!

The lid is about to blow off of the vote rigging scandal in Florida, Ohio and possibly elsewhere. Go to bradblogtoo.blogspot.com for details. It is still very early in the game, but if the claims being made prove true, we may yet see Bush escorted out of the White House. And if we’re really lucky, it’ll be in handcuffs.

Change of Heart

Warren walks up to the desk at Remorse R Us and is greeted by Cecelia.

Cecelia
May I help you?

W
I’d like to return my vote.

C
All right. Do you want to exchange it for a new vote or simply have it removed from the totals?

W
I’d like to exchange it for a new one.

C
Okay. May I have your receipt?

W
Well, that’s a problem. My voting place didn’t give us receipts.

C
Uh huh. I’m sorry, but we require a receipt or some proof—

W
I really did vote. Here…[pulls out a card from his wallet] See, my voter registration card. I voted….

C
This card is two years old, Sir.

W
[Looks at the card then fishes another one out of his wallet] Here. This is the right one. Look, that’s this year.

C
[Examines the card and then hands it back] Okay. We can accept it.

W
[Putting back the card] Oh, good. Great.

C
Why do you want to exchange your vote, Sir?

W
I’m not happy with it. I…I got so muddled in the last couple of weeks of the campaign, with all the ads…wolves and such. I just wasn’t sure who I trusted more, Bush or Kerry. But, now that a little time has passed and I have a clearer understanding of what Bush is doing, I want to vote for the other guy.

C
So, basically, a “Change of Heart?”

W
Yes. What else would it be?

C
Well, Sir, there are numerous reasons for changing one’s vote, including “Voting under the influence—drugs and/or alcohol,” “Accidentally pulling wrong lever,” “Come to one’s senses,” “Temporary insanity,” “Permanent Insanity”—

W
I…I get your point. I suppose it could fall under “Come to One’s Senses” as well.

C
Are you a Republican?

W
Yes.

C
And you wish to remain a Republican?

W
Yeah. I guess.

C
Then it couldn’t be “Come to one’s senses.” [puts a form in front of Warren] Please fill out and sign the affidavit 502 A confirming that you have truly had a change of heart and understand your actions could possibly alter the outcome of the election. [He signs it. She puts another form in front of him] Form 322C is your new ballot to be filled out for the candidate of your choice.

W
[signs the form]
Have you had a lot of returns?

C
Actually, it’s been surprisingly slow. Not as many “Change of Hearts” as one might think. Although I’ve heard that there is inaccurate information being sent around about how to get here, when we’re open…you know, that kind of stuff.

W
Never ends. Does it? [hands the form back] There.

C
Thank you, Sir. Your vote will be changed by end of day today.

W
You guys sell sympathy cards?

C
Aisle 5.

W
Thanks. [Exits]

Dear Bigot,

To [selected representative in Washington, D.C.]

We at the Family Policy Council recently wrote to express our dismay that so many conservative Republican representatives retain gay staff members. We reiterate our view that elected officials should not employ key personnel who don't hold the conservative views of the party and the voters who elected said individual to office, and homosexuals do not reflect those views and values. It should be noted by Republican politicians that this request does not pertain exclusively to homosexuals, but includes any personnel who do not truly adhere to traditional conservative values. For the convenience of Republicans who hire and fire office personnel, we include a list of traits and behaviors that should send up red flags regarding an employee’s commitment to core Republican principals and beliefs.

Men
1. Shoes with tassels
2. Loud or unusual ties
3. Facial hair
4. Haircuts or styles other than those worn by Republican congressional leaders
5. Hobbies or interests that do not include watching or participating in traditionally male sports (golf, football, hunting, fishing, boxing, etc.)
6. Fascination with old movies, especially actresses from the forties and fifties
7. Drives a foreign car

Women
1. Overly aggressive
2. Very short hair
3. Provocative dress (short skirts, cleavage, tight sweaters, etc.)
4. Not married (unless widowed)
5. Odd hobbies or interests (rock climbing, artist, kayaking, basketball referee, etc.)
6. Doesn’t wear a cross necklace
7. Grew up in a large city

For Both
1. Creative types
2. Overly social types
3. Dark skin
4. Foreign accents
5. Jews, Muslims, Hindus, atheists, Catholics, socialists, fledgling actors
6. Has a college degree in the humanities
7. Tattoos, piercings
8. Drinks bottled water
9. Speaks French

We hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Rev. I.M. Gaylord

Born Again...and again...and again....

Scene: A meeting room at Cambridge Advertising in Tampa, Florida. Time is today. Five executives sit around a table directing their attention to Jimmy, who is standing next to an easel.

Jimmy
Okay team, everyone should know why we’re here so I don’t have to go into a long preamble and bore everyone to tears. [laughter] But before we start, I do want to introduce a visitor, Mr. George Lambert…go ahead and stand. Mr. Lambert—

George
George…please.

Jimmy
Right. George is our liaison with the White House on the signage project.

George
Rest assured, everyone, I’m not here to meddle in any way. The President and Jeb were very pleased with your first efforts, and we’re sure the next phase will produce equally stellar work.

Jimmy
Thank you , George. So, we are here to brainstorm on the next generation of signage to follow the “Our Leader” billboard series. Remember that our goal is to help enhance the image of the President as a strong, devout, “God-Driven” leader of America. Now, the four of you, well, Tom, you’re a last minute substitute, but the rest of you were chosen not only for your talents as creatives, but also your political affinity with the goals of the campaign.

Tom
Excuse me?

Jimmy
I’m sorry, Tom. I realize you’re a little in the dark about this, but hang in there, you’ll see what we’re after in no time. You are a Republican. Right, Tom?

Tom
Me? Nooo. Why?

Jimmy
[confused] But I thought… [George comes over to Jimmy and they exchange whispers for a few beats] Okay, no biggee. Tom, you’re a professional, so we’ll assume that you’ll play nicely and work well with others to please the client.

Tom
Sure. Who is the client?

Jimmy
Can’t really go into specifics on that. But, we’re running low on time, so let’s get started. We need ideas, people, that take the “Our Leader” concept and push it in a direction that emphasizes the President’s religious values and beliefs, and how those benefit our great country.

Tom
Sorry, Jimmy. I don’t want to be a pain in the rear, but this sounds like a political campaign. Election’s over.

Jimmy
Of course it is. This is more of a brand building campaign than anything else. We’re building the President’s brand. Okay? Let’s get the juices flowing now with some new ideas.

Karen
It’s obvious, but “God’s President.”

Bert
“The Chosen One.”

Jimmy
[as he’s writing] Good. Good. Keep going.

Cheryl
“Pray for him.” Maybe tie it into a national prayer effort.

Jimmy
I like it.

Gary
“God’s Gift to the USA”

Jimmy
Yeah…

Tom
Jim? Jimmy?

Bert
“Making Jesus Proud.”

Karen
“Support God’s Work.”

Jimmy
Oh, yeah. Excellent.

Tom
Jimmy…?

Jimmy
Yes, Tom.

Tom
[pause] This…is this some kind of reality show? Are we being filmed?

Jimmy
No. Why do ask, Tom?

Tom
“Support God’s Work?” “Making Jesus Proud?” You’re joking. Right?

Jimmy
Uh, no. No joking here.

Tom
So you’re saying we recommend a billboard with the concept, “Making Jesus Proud?” [smiles in disbelief]

Jimmy
Tom, this is serious work we’re doing here. Important work.

George
Jimmy…[stands]. Maybe I can help clarify this for you, Tom. This great country of ours is moving into exciting new territory with the reelection of President Bush. We have an opportunity now to really turn this nation around and bring it back on course to its true identity as a Christian enterprise, a God-fearing, devout country. But in order to do this, it’s very important that we help people regain the respect for authority that has been subverted during the past forty years. We need a strong leader to steer us through rough waters, Tom, one who is respected, and, yes, to some degree feared, if we are going to pull the people of America back together again into a unified, respected nation under God.

Tom
[stunned] Jimmy? Can I talk to you in private? [he takes Jimmy by the arm and walks him out to the hallway, out of hearing distance] What the hell’s going on here? I am totally freaked.

Jimmy
It’s an account, Tom, just like every other account, although this is big money and a long-term relationship.

Tom
But Jimmy, you’re not into all this Jesus, Jesus crap. We’ve had beers together, ogled women….

Jimmy
Keep your voice down. Tom, the agency needs this work. We need this account. Understand? So yeah, I’m jumping through the hoops and becoming a born again Christian. It’s for the agency, Man. You get that don’t you? Our jobs are on the line.

Tom
Our jobs?

Jimmy
Our jobs.

Tom
What about our souls?

Jimmy
Good God, Tom. This is advertising. No one in this business has a soul. The only thing that gets saved around here are receipts.

Tom
But—

Jimmy
No “buts,” Tom. Either get religion real fast or you’ll be trading in your Honda for a Schwinn very soon.

Tom
But I’m Jewish.

Jimmy
Our creditors will be glad to hear that.

Tom
[closes his eyes for beat] I…I feel something. Yes, I feel the power of the Lord taking over my body as we speak. [opens his eyes and smiles] I’ve been reborn, Jimmy. I am saved.

Jimmy
Hallelujah. Now get your ass back in there and let’s save this account.

[They exit.]

The New Know-Nothings

From Editor & Publisher, December 1, 2004

“Public acceptance of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is well below the 50% mark, a fact of considerable concern to many scientists," Frank Newport, editor-in-chief of The Gallup Poll, observed today. He noted that given three alternatives, only 35% say that evolution is well-supported by evidence. The same number say evolution is one of many theories and not well supported by evidence. Another 29% say they don't know enough about it to say.

Almost half of Americans (45%) believe that human beings "were created by God essentially as they are today (that is, without evolving) about 10,000 years ago," according to Gallup's poll.


“I know nothing. Nothing.” Bumbling German prison camp guard Sgt. Schultz made this line famous in the sixties sitcom “Hogan’s Heroes.” Willful ignorance, a staple of television comedy, can sometimes make life easier, as in Schultz’s case, where the less he knew about Hogan’s shenanigans the better. In the real world, however, choosing to ignore reality more often than not is a recipe for disaster.

An actual “Know-Nothing” political movement began in the 1850s in America as an anti-immigration group dedicated to protecting the rights of native-born protestants. Thankfully, it survived only about 10 years, but the sentiments of exclusion and fear of change endures to the present day. The movement’s ideological descendants have since gained power their predecessors could never imagine.

The new “Know-Nothings” take the name even more literally than their 19th Century forefathers. In America today, large numbers of citizens live in willful ignorance, choosing to reject scientific evidence and common sense for a faith-based view of the world where anything goes. Today’s politically powerful evangelical Christians accept a more or less literal interpretation of the Bible—God created the earth in seven days; Noah really got two of every animal in the world on a boat, and so on. The fact that they can’t prove any of these beliefs by acceptable scientific methods doesn’t stop them from going to extreme measures to try and justify their fantasies with pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo and self-serving data.

The influence the new “Know-Nothings” wield at the national level is a nightmare come alive. The National Park Service now includes a creationist version of the Grand Canyon’s origins among its tourist information. The Traditional Values Coalition, a conservative Christian group, has forced the National Park Service to edit a video on civil rights at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. One of their demands—take out Rosa Parks and put in Betsy Ross.

And of course the rise of the conservative cable stations and talk radio feed the religious right with all the news that fits ideologically, whether it’s true or not. It is of no concern to any of them that our nation’s embrace of Know-Nothingism has made us the laughing stock of the world. In fact, it energizes true believers to know that beret wearing French wine-snobs are in a snit over us.

In my lifetime, this country has gone from landing people on the moon to believing the moon is made of cheese. We have entered an era no one would have predicted in the days when we watched Neil Armstrong step off a ladder onto the powdery terrain of our neighboring planet. The rules have changed drastically. In this new century, superstition checks science and dogma replaces common sense. With Armageddon right around the corner, Americans, we are told, have no need for grand visions to realize or future goals to work toward, save converting the planet to our version of Christianity before the End Days actually end.

All great societies eventually fall, but it is maddening to feel as though I am watching this relatively young experiment in democracy self-destruct before my eyes, in virtually the blink of an eye. Recent elections make me fear that Americans are devolving, shrinking from the bright glow of the future, growing sickly and hateful in the shadow-world of ignorance. I keep telling myself, “It can’t happen here.” But it is happening. I’m watching it on television, reading it in papers, writing about it on the Internet. The prime directive is repeated over and over again not by scar-faced thugs in black trench coats, but by loopy white guys like Limbaugh and Falwell and Bush: Ignorance is bliss. Embrace it, America.

“I know nothing. Nothing….” Sorry, Schultz. It’s not funny anymore.