Born Again...and again...and again....

Scene: A meeting room at Cambridge Advertising in Tampa, Florida. Time is today. Five executives sit around a table directing their attention to Jimmy, who is standing next to an easel.

Jimmy
Okay team, everyone should know why we’re here so I don’t have to go into a long preamble and bore everyone to tears. [laughter] But before we start, I do want to introduce a visitor, Mr. George Lambert…go ahead and stand. Mr. Lambert—

George
George…please.

Jimmy
Right. George is our liaison with the White House on the signage project.

George
Rest assured, everyone, I’m not here to meddle in any way. The President and Jeb were very pleased with your first efforts, and we’re sure the next phase will produce equally stellar work.

Jimmy
Thank you , George. So, we are here to brainstorm on the next generation of signage to follow the “Our Leader” billboard series. Remember that our goal is to help enhance the image of the President as a strong, devout, “God-Driven” leader of America. Now, the four of you, well, Tom, you’re a last minute substitute, but the rest of you were chosen not only for your talents as creatives, but also your political affinity with the goals of the campaign.

Tom
Excuse me?

Jimmy
I’m sorry, Tom. I realize you’re a little in the dark about this, but hang in there, you’ll see what we’re after in no time. You are a Republican. Right, Tom?

Tom
Me? Nooo. Why?

Jimmy
[confused] But I thought… [George comes over to Jimmy and they exchange whispers for a few beats] Okay, no biggee. Tom, you’re a professional, so we’ll assume that you’ll play nicely and work well with others to please the client.

Tom
Sure. Who is the client?

Jimmy
Can’t really go into specifics on that. But, we’re running low on time, so let’s get started. We need ideas, people, that take the “Our Leader” concept and push it in a direction that emphasizes the President’s religious values and beliefs, and how those benefit our great country.

Tom
Sorry, Jimmy. I don’t want to be a pain in the rear, but this sounds like a political campaign. Election’s over.

Jimmy
Of course it is. This is more of a brand building campaign than anything else. We’re building the President’s brand. Okay? Let’s get the juices flowing now with some new ideas.

Karen
It’s obvious, but “God’s President.”

Bert
“The Chosen One.”

Jimmy
[as he’s writing] Good. Good. Keep going.

Cheryl
“Pray for him.” Maybe tie it into a national prayer effort.

Jimmy
I like it.

Gary
“God’s Gift to the USA”

Jimmy
Yeah…

Tom
Jim? Jimmy?

Bert
“Making Jesus Proud.”

Karen
“Support God’s Work.”

Jimmy
Oh, yeah. Excellent.

Tom
Jimmy…?

Jimmy
Yes, Tom.

Tom
[pause] This…is this some kind of reality show? Are we being filmed?

Jimmy
No. Why do ask, Tom?

Tom
“Support God’s Work?” “Making Jesus Proud?” You’re joking. Right?

Jimmy
Uh, no. No joking here.

Tom
So you’re saying we recommend a billboard with the concept, “Making Jesus Proud?” [smiles in disbelief]

Jimmy
Tom, this is serious work we’re doing here. Important work.

George
Jimmy…[stands]. Maybe I can help clarify this for you, Tom. This great country of ours is moving into exciting new territory with the reelection of President Bush. We have an opportunity now to really turn this nation around and bring it back on course to its true identity as a Christian enterprise, a God-fearing, devout country. But in order to do this, it’s very important that we help people regain the respect for authority that has been subverted during the past forty years. We need a strong leader to steer us through rough waters, Tom, one who is respected, and, yes, to some degree feared, if we are going to pull the people of America back together again into a unified, respected nation under God.

Tom
[stunned] Jimmy? Can I talk to you in private? [he takes Jimmy by the arm and walks him out to the hallway, out of hearing distance] What the hell’s going on here? I am totally freaked.

Jimmy
It’s an account, Tom, just like every other account, although this is big money and a long-term relationship.

Tom
But Jimmy, you’re not into all this Jesus, Jesus crap. We’ve had beers together, ogled women….

Jimmy
Keep your voice down. Tom, the agency needs this work. We need this account. Understand? So yeah, I’m jumping through the hoops and becoming a born again Christian. It’s for the agency, Man. You get that don’t you? Our jobs are on the line.

Tom
Our jobs?

Jimmy
Our jobs.

Tom
What about our souls?

Jimmy
Good God, Tom. This is advertising. No one in this business has a soul. The only thing that gets saved around here are receipts.

Tom
But—

Jimmy
No “buts,” Tom. Either get religion real fast or you’ll be trading in your Honda for a Schwinn very soon.

Tom
But I’m Jewish.

Jimmy
Our creditors will be glad to hear that.

Tom
[closes his eyes for beat] I…I feel something. Yes, I feel the power of the Lord taking over my body as we speak. [opens his eyes and smiles] I’ve been reborn, Jimmy. I am saved.

Jimmy
Hallelujah. Now get your ass back in there and let’s save this account.

[They exit.]