Due to the growing number of Republicans facing attacks from the liberal media and the worldwide Democratic conspiracy, the RNC has prepared this list of dos and don’ts for representatives who are under investigation or who believe they soon may be.
1.Speak, meet and greet only in friendly territory: NRA functions, Southern Baptist conventions, DAR meetings, FOX News, Posse Comitatus picnics, etc.
2.Do not meet with your mistress, “significant other,” or alcoholic brother-in-law during the period of the investigation.
3.Throw blame at every possible opportunity. Usual targets include Democrats, liberals, the liberal media, Hollywood, activist judges, terrorists and the French.
4.Start going to church.
5.Take down the confederate flag in your front yard.
6.Play golf with Supreme Court justices, and lose.
7.Do not accept invitations to any of the following: Parties at the Playboy mansion; “Fact Finding” missions to Bali, Tahiti or Aruba; events attended by Charlie Sheen or Paris Hilton; cock fights, joy rides in black helicopters.
8.Find those Ted Kennedy Polaroid’s you’ve been saving for an emergency. If you don’t have any, check with DeLay.
9.Push through a law giving every one of your constituents a red Mustang convertible.
10.Never, ever admit to any wrongdoing. Ever. God will understand.