Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Presidential wannabe Lindsey Graham claims he can read your mind

Republicans running for President are going to have to trade in the clown car for a clown bus as every member of the party under the age of 80 is, or will soon be, a candidate for the nation’s top office (except John Bolton). And as the field grows, the effort to stand out from the crowd becomes more daunting for them, and more entertaining (like watching a horror movie) for us.

Soon to announce his intentions, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham set a pretty high bar at the Iowa Republican Party-sponsored Lincoln Day Dinner. After listening to fellow Presidential wannabes gin up the crowd’s pacemakers to optimum blood flow with tales of how many bombs they’d drop on ISIS if they were President, Graham took the floor.

“If I’m president of the United States and you’re thinking about joining al-Qaida or ISIL — anybody thinking about that?” he asked to laughs. “I’m not gonna call a judge. I’m gonna call a drone and we’re gonna kill you.”

Blue-haired women grew weak at the knees and the men’s pacemakers were smokin’ after that one. Graham is going to read your mind, and if he doesn’t like what you’re thinking, he’s gonna open a can of serious whoop ass on you.

“We're gonna kill you?” Now maybe this is Republican humor and, like Japanese humor, I just don’t get it. If not, it has to be one of the most grotesque, idiotic utterances to ever pass the lips of a (soon-to-be) Presidential candidate. What is wrong with these people that 1) a U.S. senator would make such an asinine statement and 2) people would cheer him for saying it? The possibility that Lindsey Graham could be sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office one day makes climate change seem almost inconsequential.

Don’t worry folks, things are just starting to heat up, and you can be sure that the passengers riding in the clown bus will provide us with many more sweet quotes like this in the months to come, if they ever figure out how to get it out of first gear.

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