Majority Rules

WASHINGTON DC -- After largely winning the battle in congress over his federal judge nominations, an emboldened President Bush is again challenging Democrats with a series of new House Rules for behavior. The new rules would require that all congressional Democrats wear white t-shirts with a red bulls eye on the chest. The back of the t-shirts would read: “I’m with stupid.”

Dems would also be required to have their heads shaved and have their state names tattooed on their forearms. Before speaking on the floor, Dems must ask: “DeLay, may I?” And when addressing fellow members, Democrats may only speak in Pig Latin.

Needless to say, Democrats are hostile to the new changes. “This is one more humiliation heaped upon us by power-mad Republicans,” noted Congressperson Harry Reid. “The problem is, they have the votes to get it passed into law.”

Senator Hillary Clinton said the law violates any sense of bipartisanship in congress. “It’s insane,” said Clinton. “Their push toward a one party system now includes dictating how we dress. I’ll shave my head when hell freezes over.”

Republicans deny this is an attempt humiliate the opposing party. Bill Frist said, “They’re blowing this out of proportion, but then they are the “Blame America first” party. They should appreciate the fact that they’re going to be allowed to live.”