Mainstream media continues its retreat from reality

It is so discouraging hearing reporters in the MSM provide cover for the disastrous Bush administration night after night. As part of an ABC newscast, George Stephanopoulos made the following comment regarding the partially released NIE report critical of the situation in Iraq. “But the report also does offer some validation for the president's military strategy. It says success in Iraq is a key to containing the threat. It also says that political reform, democratic reform, is a key to containing the threat. The president's made both those points.”

This line of reasoning is straight from the Republican talking points memo sent out that day. There was no terrorist threat from Iraq prior to our invasion. Every expectation the administration had regarding Iraq has proven wrong. The country is now a breeding ground for terrorists because of the administration’s poor post-war planning and complete lack of understanding of the religious situation in the Middle East, and has nothing to do with strategy of any kind. The “threat” emanating from Iraq is Bush’s fault, yet Stephanopoulos makes it sound as if the President is the great hope for peace in the region.

George Bush is the problem, not the solution.

Dems, do you want to win? I can't hear you....

Okay, here’s American political reality in a nutshell: Republicans are in power for two reasons. One, they cheat. If there’s a fight, they point over your shoulder and say, “Hey, who’s that?” and when you look, they kick you in the balls. End of fight. You lose. Unfortunately, Democrats fall for it every time. For a variety of dark reasons—ends justify the means, it’s okay ‘cause God’s on my side, losing is for suckers, I’m white with a one-syllable name— conservatives are more than willing to cheat and lie to win.

That’s difficult enough for an opposing party that 1) keeps wanting to play by the rules of common civility, and 2) are too cowardly to stand up for themselves, let alone for what’s right, but Republicans have a second and more powerful weapon: the money continuum.

The money continuum is very simple yet highly effective. Money is the key to power in the United States. You need lots of money to win elections. Who has lots of money? Very rich people and very large corporations. So for you to get money from them, you need to be on their side and stand up for their interests. Hence, the modern Republican Party.

Large tax breaks for the wealthy result in large campaign donations from these same people. Bending over backwards to help the Halliburtons and the GEs and the Cargills increase their profits means lots of open checkbooks at election time.

It’s all about the money. The great mystery that has been discussed by “What’s the Matter with Kansas,” author Thomas Frank and others is this: Why don’t common, every day Joes and Janes see the blatant disregard Republicans have for average working-class folks? Mom and Pop are getting screwed and asking for more. It is one of the astounding feats of political slight-of-hand to watch Republicans hand John Doe five bucks in a tax break and then take five hundred bucks from his pension, health care, property taxes, energy expenses, etc., all to benefit large donors to the Republican Party.

The Rovian approach is simple, sinister and successful. What can we do about it? My solution is neither novel nor clever. Democrats simply need to stand up bravely for their convictions. Like the perennial weakling getting sand kicked in his face, it’s time to stand up and say “No more.” Stop calibrating. Stop triangulating. Stop equivocating. Start using the power of the truth. Say it loud and say it proud. It’s simple but by no means easy to do, which is why too many Democrats run scared from it. The time to stop running is right now.

Democratic candidates for office, please keep in mind one thing this year. It’s not about winning an election; it’s about rescuing democracy. Start believing it.

Post-administration Traumatic Shock Syndrome

Dr. Melvin,

Here is the list you asked me to make. Some of my goals fall into the “aspirational” category, but others are very practical in nature. And you were right. I do feel more confident about my future having done this exercise, but I also feel slightly aroused. Is that bad?

Things I want to accomplish in the coming year:

• Start my intimate shaving business
• Choose a new personal catch phrase to replace “Remember 9/11.”
• Stop wasting time trying to get the Olsen twins’ address and phone number
• Sharpen 335 pencils in one hour
• Cancel my subscription to “Babes ‘n Bikes.”
• Have my condo fumigated
• Make eye contact and speak to my neighbors
• Discover and punish my feminine side
• Turn OFF the Cartoon Channel
• Find my brand

Thank you again, Dr. Melvin. I really feel that my life is moving in a new direction as a result of your work. Wish me luck.

Don

Bush locked in a cell of his own making

Whenever those of us living in the reality-based world hear Bush speak about the Iraq war, we are always left shaking our heads in wonderment. What FOX pundits and Christian Fundamentalists see as moral conviction and steadfastness, the rest of us see as the arrogant denial of a disturbed mind.

We might both be wrong. What are George’s options?

With his lies, blunders, missteps, mismanagement, ignorance, arrogance and absence of curiosity, he has built an iron cell around himself from which there is no escape. All habitual liars eventually become prisoners of their lies. Even if the impossible was possible and George was totally in control of his mental facilities (I know. Bear with me), and his moral compass was pointed in the right direction, he has no other options now but to stick with his “stay the course” blather. What else can he do?

How does one say, “I’m sorry” for the needless death of thousands of Americans, tens of thousands of Iraqis, the destruction of Iraq’s infrastructure, alienating our allies, torturing people, spying on innocent Americans, blah, blah, blah? Should we even expect that from a man with no personal courage or character?

George has no choice but to pretend his cell isn’t real, that black is white, that failure is success. No amount of logic will reach him behind his mental bars. Clinging to a cynical world of religious mumbo jumbo and super-sized national icons is the only thing that keeps Bush from washing down the whole bottle of sleeping pills.

Others in the administration have their own reasons for feeding George’s fantasies, with staying out of jail being at the top of the list. George’s denial goes much deeper, though, to a place where huge mistakes grow larger and larger by eating at the soul as they wait to be set free by confession. Unfortunately for all of us, it is a confession that Bush will never have the courage to make.

New ABC shows currently in production

Everybody Hates Bill
Everything former President Bill Clinton does is wrong, and his wacky friends, family and neighbors never let him forget it. Criminally insane wife Hillary only adds to the comic chaos.

Deadwood
Set in the Old West, a lone cowboy arrives in the dying town of Deadwood. Run for years by a socialist cabal, the town is slowly being crushed under the weight of repressive taxes, over-regulation and social programs run amok. Our hero, known only as Newt, hires on as the new sheriff and pledges to clean up the town and restore traditional American values.

Law & Order: Extreme Punishment
The scum of the earth are brought to justice in this gritty police drama. Fired from the NYPD for using excessive force, former detectives Hannity and Driscoe establish their own EP (Extreme Punishment) Unit and begin cleaning up the city using any force necessary. The rulebook goes out the window and Miranda is sent packing as the two vigilantes break bones and bust heads for true justice.

Heaven’s to Betsy
What would America be like if it were truly a Christian Nation? In this heartwarming comedy, Betsy Armstrong and her family find out when a national religious leader overthrows the elected government and institutes biblical law. Dress codes, mandatory church attendance and stoning are all part of daily life in the fictional town of New Eden.

The Ann Coulter Show
Powerhouse pundit Ann Coulter showcases her charming and witty side in this all-American variety show. Ann sings, dances and executes illegal immigrants during an hour of fun family entertainment. A few of Ann’s guest performers will include the Marine Corps Band, Daughters of the American Revolution Choir, Charleton Heston, and the rock band, White Pride Riot.

The true lesson of 9/11 in pictures

Thanks to Stop George at Daily Kos.

One for the good guys

It appears today that the ABC docudrama “The Path to 9/11” may be pulled before its scheduled airing this weekend. This would be a major victory for America’s left, which has had very few things to cheer about in recent years. I wrote to ABC, Scholastic, and a sponsor, Edward Jones, asking them all to reconsider their involvement in this very flawed project. Even though I was only one of tens of thousands of voices, I feel a part of this victory. We took a page from the Right’s playbook and used it against them.

We were heard, but it was a Herculean effort that included the direct intercession of former President Clinton. The victory is all the sweeter because it is a constant uphill battle for progressives on every political front. With Republicans in control all three branches of government, most cable news programs and, to a certain extent, network news, the entire power structure of this country is aligned against us. Yet “people power” is still alive and kicking thanks in great part to the internet. If you compare the amount of coverage given the ABC film in the mainstream media to the coverage happening on the net, you get a clear picture of the influence blogs are having on the political process.

“The Path to 9/11” may be the first real battle of the campaign season. Let’s hope it’s the first of many victories in our efforts to reclaim American democracy.

Should you vote?

Note everyone who is eligible to vote should vote. That may sound like heresy in a democracy such as ours, but the fact is that careless, unthinking votes can be more harmful than not voting at all, as recent elections have clearly demonstrated. Think about it. Just because you can hold a scalpel doesn’t mean you’re qualified to do brain surgery. Likewise, simply because you can pull a lever or punch a chad doesn’t automatically make you qualified to vote.

What follows is a self-assessment exercise for potential voters. Through this brief quiz, you will be able to determine whether or not you are mentally fit to cast your ballot for a candidate or referendum. We hope you pass the test, but if you do not, please use the results as motivation to become a thoughtful, well-informed voter.

#1

The current Vice President of the United States is:

a) Donald Trump
b) Harry Potter
c) Richard Cheney
d) Denzel Washington
e) Lon Chaney

#2

The three branches of government are the executive, the legislative and the…?

a) binary
b) olive
c) corporate
d) judicial
e) Christian

#3

The Bill of Rights includes the first 10 amendments to…?

a) the Constitution
b) my will
c) my Master Card bill
d) the Boy Scout oath
e) the Magna Carta

#4

The first amendment to the Constitution discusses the issue of separation of church and…?

a) casinos
b) state
c) reality
d) toxic waste sites
e) his conjoined twin

#5

The President of the United States is also:

a) the parade Grand Marshall
b) an alcoholic
c) allergic to latex
d) king of the road
e) Commander and Chief of the armed forces

#6

What happens on the second Tuesday in November every four years?

a) Spider monkeys mate
b) Americans vote for President
c) A solar eclipse
d) The rugs are cleaned in the White House
e) Michael Jackson issues a comeback CD

#7

Each state has ___ senators.

a) too many
b) 365
c) a shitload of
d) potential
e) two

#8

I have to pay a fee to vote.

T
F

#9

Iraq is in…?

a) the Middle East
b) Middle Earth
c) Midtown Manhattan
d) Africa
e) Iowa

If you missed 1 – 3 answers, please abstain from voting in the next election. You may retake the test in six months. If you missed 3 or more answers, you must turn yourself in to the nearest substance abuse or mental health clinic for immediate intervention.

Con U

Dear Mr. Andreini,

Thank you for your interest in the Media Pundit program at the deWhite School of Broadcasting. We take great pride in being #1 nationally for producing graduates who go on to positions at the cable news networks as political pundits and talk show hosts. The list of dWSB alumni is a virtual Who’s Who of cable and radio talkmeisters, and our job placement rate is an impressive 48 percent! Ann Coulter recently described dWSB as the Right Wing’s “School of Assassins.”

Enclosed in this packet of information about dWSB is a class schedule, financial aid information, a campus map and a sports calendar. As a prospective student, we invite you to attend a free intercollegiate volleyball match between our Lady Buckleys and their arch rivals, the Deer Bottom Tech Shivs.

The Media Pundit program is a finely tuned balance of classroom learning and on-air experience. All students entering the program begin with a series of core courses:

1011 Cutting Off Callers
1099 History of the Ad Hominem Attack
1298 The Bully: Misunderstood American Icon
1300 The Fine Art of Ridicule
1339 Public School Deprogramming
1366 Studio Tantrums and Tirades

From there, you will select a specialty field as your major. These include:

Battle Bitch
Corporate Lackey
Insufferable Antagonist
Blowhard Know-it-all
Weasel
“Intellectual”
Moral Scold

As you can see, there are any number of academic options from which to choose. Yet dWSB isn’t only about lectures an tests. As a resident student, you’ll find an active campus community with numerous opportunities to become involved and develop your leadership skills. Our clubs and organizations include:

Campus Republicans
Maranatha
Earl Turner Theatre Troupe
Drill Team
Pistol Club
Rifle Club
Bazooka Club
Ground-to-Air Missile Club
ROTC
FOX Fan Club
Debate Team
Campus Christians for Christ
Exotic Weapons Society
John Birch Memorial Men’s Choir

And of course, you’ll enjoy cheering on the Buckleys. We are part of the National Confederate Athletic Association and field men’s teams in football, basketball, baseball, hockey, boxing, wrestling, sword fighting, dueling and paintball. Women’s teams include volleyball.

Our gated 12-acre campus/compound is located near beautiful Hinton, West Virginia, which was ranked by the National Review as “one of America’s most livable cities.”

Thank you again for considering the deWhite School of Broadcasting. See you this fall!

Sincerely,


Wendell Schmitt
Dean of Admissions

Rummy goes rabid

America’s crankiest old man Donald Rumsfeld is at it again. Before a sympathetic crowd of VFW flag-wavers in Reno, Nevada yesterday, Rummy basically called everyone who disagrees with the administration’s Iraq policies cowards and losers. That would include over two-thirds of his fellow citizens. Perhaps even one or two in his audience.

The Bush administration has branded me and virtually all of the people I know as cowards and America haters. How does it make you feel to be thought of by your government as something akin to a traitor for your views? We are nothing less than enemies of the State. Patches and ID tattoos to follow.

Rumsfeld has bungled every aspect of the Iraq war from troop strength to equipment to the post-war insurgency. The military leadership hates him, conservative pundits have called for his resignation, yet we are the cowards. This is a country turned upside down.

Americans are caught in the perfect storm of political incompetence. In any other administration in any other time, Rumsfeld would have been fired or reassigned, but when you’re a President with Congress and the Supreme Court covering your back, you can pretty much do as you damn well please.

Perhaps Rumsfeld’s alienating rhetoric is a sign of panic in the White House. Maybe the wheels are starting to come off the war wagon. We should be so lucky. In reality it is simply one more cynical, Rovian attack on what most of us like to think of as the democratic process. The only cowards in this sordid affair are those in the Bush administration who are unwilling to admit mistakes, but very willing to send other people off to die as a result of those mistakes.

IMPEACH.

Proud to be an American

I wake up every morning and thank my lucky stars that I’m an American. Every time I watch the news I’m reminded that the United States is the best place on earth. Think about it. I could be living in one of those horrible Middle Eastern countries where

The news is controlled and filtered to provide only the government’s viewpoint,

The people are superstitious and poorly educated,

Foreigners are not trusted,

Intellectuals are marginalized,

The government uses fear to retain power,

Education is a political tool,

Politicians reduce complex problems to emotionally volatile slogans,

Religion is used to divide people,

The government encourages corporations to rape the environment,

Political dissenters are attacked as unpatriotic,

Religious leaders preach hate and intolerance,

The government spends an inordinate amount of money on its military,

Elections are rigged,

Science is subservient to religion.

On second thought, I’m going back to bed.

Bush: Will he snap?

The speed at which Bush is descending into the abyss of denial and delusion seems to increase daily. He recently dismissed the comments of his top general regarding the situation in Iraq with this incoherent babble: “You know, I hear people say, Well, civil war this, civil war that. The Iraqi people decided against civil war when they went to the ballot box.” The only use for a ballot box in Iraq now is for something to hide behind when the bullets start flying.

Bush is dangerously out of touch and he’s getting worse. Rove, Cheney, Rice—those closest to Mad King George—know that they can’t stop feeding his delusions or the house of cards will surely come tumbling down on all of them. And that, to me, is frightening.

We’ve got two years left. The question is, within that time frame, will there be a convergence, a “come to Jesus” moment for Bush when his Apocalyptic visions, arrogant self-righteousness, male insecurities and reality collide in some kind of mental nuclear fusion? Will he be sitting in a dark corner of the White House at 2 a.m., sipping on a gin and tonic, when he suddenly understands that the only way to save the world is to destroy it…now? Something snaps. The floor gives way. George calls for the man with the briefcase.

On the other hand, Bush may simply be too stupid to have a mental breakdown. There may be no alternative viewpoints in his tiny pointed head that could possibly intrude on his own one-dimensional vision of reality. The irony is that Bush’s comatose brain may actually be our best hope for survival.

MSM momentarily befuddled

What’s interesting about this morning’s coverage of Lamont’s win over Lieberman in Connecticut are the news headlines I’ve read. The ones I’ve seen focus on Lieberman and what he plans to do about losing. “Lieberman Plans to Run as Independent,” is the preferred line. So typical of the media to spin it this way. How about, “Lamont Upsets Democratic Incumbent”? Or “Anti-war Lamont Defeats Lieberman”? Or, better yet, “Lieberman Succumbs to Bush’s Kiss of Death.”

The MSM seems momentarily discombobulated by Lamont’s victory. How could the establishment lose? Who threw the wrench into the political machinery? Over the past few decades, they have paid little to no attention to “the voice of the people,” instead parroting government-approved pundits and conventional wisdom. They will attempt to minimize the importance of this election by portraying it as an anomaly, a mere blip on the political radar.

I believe, I hope, Lieberman is the first domino to fall in a long line of Bush apologists and that events over the next few months will prove the MSM wrong. Again.

Mickey goes to war

Are we a militaristic nation? I don’t think many Americans would characterize us that way, yet our compunction to solve the world’s problems with bullets and bombs, our almost spiritual reverence of those who fight our wars and the continuing attempts by the NRA to arm every man, woman and child has to make one stop and wonder. And now this.

Today’s Washington Post reports that the Army “[is] considering allowing a private developer to build a 125-acre entertainment, hotel and conference center complex next to a national Army museum at Fort Belvoir that could draw more than 1 million people a year to traffic choked southern Fairfax County.”

It’s a military theme park, complete with M-1 tank rides for the kids and an entertainment district “…with bars like the “1st Division Lounge.”

The “visitor destination concept,” as the Army euphemistically refers to it, is actually a stroke of malevolent brilliance. How better to fill the ranks of the military in the future than by starting to indoctrinate the fertile minds of pre-schoolers today? “Mommy, when I grow up I wanna fly a Cobra Gunship.”

What appears to be left out of the plans for this Disneyland in fatigues is the actual consequences of war—death and destruction. The Post didn’t mention anything about the M.A.S.H. unit tour, where families can “…wallow in pools of blood as surgeons saw off limbs and cram intestines back into body cavities.” Or the ever popular, “Enemy Village Ride,” that takes you through a recently bombed hamlet and past the grotesquely broken and burned bodies of women and children.

Glorifying war and violence? Naw, it’s all good, clean fun at the Bloodiest Place on Earth.

They can't stop lying

So New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg lied about why he wouldn’t let protestors gather in Central Park during the 2004 Republican Convention. It wasn’t about security or potential environmental concerns. It was political. What a surprise.

Republicans are habitual liars. Why? Ask Michael Corleone.

One of the many subplots in “The Godfather” movies was the gradual deterioration of the marriage between Michael Corleone and the outsider Kay. From the very beginning of their relationship, Kay is uneasy that Michael is evasive about his family’s business. As the saga progresses, Michael’s continuing lies about his illegal business dealings eventually push Kay out of his life.

In Michael’s world, there was no alternative for him but to lie, because telling the truth—that he was a bloodthirsty mobster who had people killed, including his own brother—would shock and alienate most anyone who wasn’t also a mobster. In other words, the lies were necessary to cover horrible truths understood by only a small group of initiates.

Which brings us to today’s conservatives. Why do they feel the need to lie, even at times when the truth would serve them better? The reasons are the same as their Mafioso brethren. Bush, Cheney, O’Reilly, Coulter, Robertson, Frist, et. al., have a horrible truth that can only be concealed by perpetual lies: The ideology to which they swear their allegiance is rotten at its core. Beneath the thin veneer of public service and fair and balanced is a dark, corrupt system powered by greed, hatred, cronyism, militarism, bigotry and selfishness. You won’t win a lot of votes with this agenda, so you lie.

You lie and you lie and you lie. You wrap your lies in religious images, patriotic slogans, family values and American flags. Twenty-first century conservatives won’t generally stand up at a podium and say, “I’m a racist.” They won’t admit that all of their tax cuts for wealthy individuals and large corporations are intended to buy support in elections. No political commercials will reveal that the Constitution doesn’t fit into their future plans for America.

So they lie. And they lie to cover their lies. Just as Michael Corleone could never be honest with his wife Kay, today’s Conservative politicians, pundits and prayermeisters can never be honest with the American people. The one difference is that Michael actually loved Kay.

Today's letter to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reader rep

I would like to understand the rationale behind your “Is that a fact?” series. So far, you’ve analyzed a misleading Republican ad and a misleading Democratic ad. And the point is?

The fact that both parties twist and distort the positions of the other is hardly enlightening or helpful, and may have the opposite effect you desire by reinforcing the widely-held opinion that because all politicians are liars, voting is irrelevant.

What I see in the “Is that a fact?” series is one more unfortunate example of the MSM’s addictive adherence to “balance.” In its attempts not to offend anyone (subscribers), the media continuously goes to extreme efforts to treat every subject as if there are always two legitimate sides to consider. In reality, there are not. The earth is not flat. Period. The earth revolves around the sun. Period. One political party lies and distorts the truth more egregiously and more often than the other. Period.

What would be far more helpful in educating readers than your current, “They said/they said,” approach would be an analysis of positions taken by each party with a discussion of which positions are backed primarily by facts and data, and which positions are backed primarily by ideology and wishful thinking.

Among the scientific community (those who actually know what they’re talking about), there is virtually no argument that global warming is the result of human activity. However, in its effort to balance the discussion, the media continue to print misleading articles and editorials by conservatives calling into question assertions about global warming. In this case, “balance” is resulting in a confused electorate and a dangerous delay in seeking remedies to a very serious problem.

Your goal of educating voters is worthy, but the tit-for-tat approach of “Is that a fact?” merely reinforces the biases of the party faithful and the cynicism of the undecided.

Noonan the nattering nabob

In a Wall Street Journal editorial today, Peggy Noonan attacked the scientific community over global warming, if you can believe it. It is, of course, one more attempt by the Bush Administration and its media propagandists to throw sand in the eyes of Americans. The questions Noonan asks have already been answered. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, made up of 1,000 of the world’s top experts in the field, have stated without reservation that the warming trend over the past 50 years is directly related to human activities. What other gathering of “the world’s great scientists” would Noonan want to convene? Or did she mean “the world’s great scientists who agree with President Bush and the energy industry CEOs?” Noonan could hold this meeting in her living room.

It can't happen here, part XII

“The President is always right.”
Steven Bradbury, head of the Justice Department’s office of legal counsel at a July 11, 2006 Senate Judiciary Committee meeting

The Fuhrer is always right.
Article 6, Nazi Party Organization Book (1940)

8. Mussolini is always right.
From the Fascist Decolague, the Ten Commandments of the Italian soldiers under Mussolini

“The thoughts of Chairman Mao are always correct.”
Lin Biao, Defense Minister, 7,000 Cadres Conference, 1962

Napoleon is always right.
Boxer, in Animal Farm by George Orwell

President Hillary Clinton and the unitary executive theory: A Republican nightmare

There are reports of yet more secret U.S. intelligence operations emanating from the White House that have not been reported to Congress. The Great Decider continues to believe that he can decide to do whatever the hell he wants, and damn the Constitution. It’s the antidemocratic unitary executive theory in action, folks; a theory embraced by many Third World dictators and exactly two Americans. Unfortunately for us, those two individuals are members of the current administration in Washington.

The unitary executive theory embraced by Vice President Cheney and his Consigliore David Addington gives the President almost unlimited powers during war. We all know how well that’s working. Despite the fact that this theory flies in the face of everything the founding fathers tried to establish in the Constitution, it seems to be this administration’s governing framework.

It is a theory that begs for continual war. If a President can have almost unlimited powers simply because there is a conflict somewhere in the world involving American soldiers, hey, why not? And who says when the war on terror is over? That one could be squeezed for decades.

The question I’ve had since I first heard of this bizarre interpretation of executive power is this: what do theory supporters think is going to happen when there’s a Democratic president?
Are the Congressional Republicans actually willing to give up their power to reign in a President when that person is, oh, just for argument’s sake, let’s say, Hillary Clinton? I mean, that scenario has to be their worst nightmare come true.

Or, as difficult as it is to believe, do they think there won’t be another Democratic president? Ever? Now, as inept as the Democrats have proven to be over the last thirty years, there will come a day—maybe not in my lifetime—but there will come a day when a Democrat is in the Oval Office. If Cheney’s and Addington’s vision of the nearly infallible President were allowed to stand, their political heirs may one day get the finger from Al Gore.

My guess is that once GB leaves office, either for Texas or a jail cell, the unitary executive theory will evaporate like a raindrop on a Phoenix sidewalk in August. Having seen what happens when you hand over the steering wheel of a speeding car to a chimpanzee, few in Congress from either party will have the stomach to argue for unrestrained executive powers, war or no war. This will be good, since I’m sure the founding fathers are tired after five years of spinning in their graves.

Cheney gets under my skin

Dick Cheney may be one of the most sinister characters in American politics. He is the second most powerful elected official in the country (some will argue the first), and he does not believe in democracy. His view of an imperial president who is not accountable to anyone for anything is so far from the founding father’s idea of a government of and for the people, it resides in a parallel universe. He is a highly experienced liar and manipulator who routinely places his ideological agenda ahead of the nation’s best interests.

Cheney is the Neocons Neocon. Rigidly dogmatic, he is never in doubt about any course of action in which he’s involved, which makes picking out a tie in the morning easy, but running international policy virtually impossible. More than any other administration official, Cheney continues to argue about long resolved issues relating to pre-war Iraq, and, I don’t believe, has ever conceded that anything the administration said or did in the lead up to the war was a mistake.

When I think of Cheney I’m reminded of Henry Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the physically infirm, soulless capitalist who was an expert at exploiting the weaknesses of the good-hearted people of Bedford Falls. He revels in being the object of fear and never lets anyone forget who’s really in charge. Like Cheney, I imagine Potter never served in the military when he had the chance, yet enjoys shooting small animals from the window of his big black Cadillac.

The VP has been quiet of late, mostly popping up here and there to raise money for the GOP machine. It’s almost more unnerving when he’s not visible, because you know he’s lurking behind the curtain, whispering into George’s ear. Keeping close to the bunker. Hanging around, waiting for the sun to set.

To the streets or the liquor cabinet?

I just read a wonderfully written but seemingly fatalistic article by Mark Morford at SFGate.com. It’s essentially a rumination on Bush fatigue. Mark has it. I have it. Virtually everyone I know has it. After nearly six years under the rule of the Neocon Nero (“He strummed while New Orleans drowned.”), there is little left to do, according to Mark, but let the virus run its course and look to better days down the road.

As a draft-age young man living in the Bay Area during the late 60s, I can vividly remember the television images of nearly constant anti-war rallies and protest marches in Oakland specifically, but around the world in general. I was not politically mature enough in those days to join them, but they were a part of my life and times, and I know that they ultimately helped bring an end to the Vietnam War.

Now in my fifties, I look at what’s happening in Washington and wonder why the streets are empty. Yes, there have been some large protests over the past five years, but nothing of the duration or intensity of those during Vietnam. It’s troubling to me, because I believe that the current political situation—the dismantling of the principals upon which this country was founded—is fundamentally far more serious than even an illegal war. The conundrum is that there is such widespread and deep resentment toward the Bush administration in this country, but it is not being vented in any cohesive, dramatic way.

Well, John, you ask, why aren’t you organizing something? Why aren’t you out there with your clever banner pounding the pavement? Those are good questions. The anger and outrage are there. The desire for change is there. What’s not there is an expectation that I may be able to actually effect change by taking to the streets. It sounds defeatist, and maybe it is, but the bad guys control everything right now, the executive, the judicial and the legislative branches, as well as the media. Who would hear our shouts and drums banging but ourselves?

Morford’s conclusions are not easy to swallow, and I’m not sure I’m ready to accept them yet, but he may in fact be right that the most productive course we can take is to gird our loins for two more nightmarish years and start planning for the reconstruction now. And drink a lot.

What really happened to Kenny Boy?

A heart attack? Right. Not buying it for a second. How can a person without a heart have a heart attack? Facing the possibility of 30 years in jail at his October sentencing, Ken conveniently up and dies from coronary heart disease while vacationing in Colorado. All a coincidence? I don’t think so, and neither do a lot of other people. So here, then, is my list of theories as to what really happened to Ken at his house in Old Snowmass, Colorado. Some of these conjectures can be found elsewhere in cyber space, and some are my own.

1. He faked his death, had plastic surgery, and will live out the rest of his life farming radishes in Lichtenstein.
2. He was murdered by government agents to keep him from bargaining for leniency at sentencing time with “embarrassing” information about his oily acquaintances.
3. Over the last four years he had some of the world’s best scientist working in his basement laboratory creating Ken Clone, who now lies in a casket.
4. He’s hiding in the sub-basement of the White House and meets with Cheney daily.
5. Moments before death he was sealed in a cylinder of cryogenic preserving fluids with his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth.
6. Overcome by the thought of never seeing his true love again, he committed suicide and can only be brought back to life with a kiss from Condi Rice. His body lies in state on a marble slab in a forest clearing.

What Republicans say and what they mean

Say: “The American press has a liberal bias.”
Mean: “If I believe something is true, I don’t want some Goddamn newspaper telling me it isn’t.”

Say: “Support the troops.”
Mean: “Shut up about the Iraq war already.”

Say: “I don’t agree with the way Ann Coulter says it, but I think she’s fundamentally correct.”
Mean: “You go, girl.”

Say: “Affirmative action is reverse discrimination.”
Mean: “I don’t like black people.”

Say: “Tax cuts help all Americans.”
Mean: “If we don't keep our major contributors happy, there won't be a Republican party.”

Say: “We need to take a tougher stand on immigration.”
Mean: “I don’t like brown-skinned people.”

Say: “If we don’t fight the terrorists over there, we’ll have to fight them here.”
Mean: “If terrorists ever get this far, it would force those of us in power to actually sacrifice something, like our children, and that is unacceptable.”

Say: “Democrats don’t understand the average, hard-working American.”
Mean: “Democrats don’t understand how to manipulate the average, hard-working American.”

Say: “Everything changed after 9/11.”
Mean: “We’re in control, suckers. We’re the deciders.”

Say: “Flag burning should be a federal crime.”
Mean: “Don’t look behind the curtain. Look over here. Hey, over here.”

Say: “We must stay the course.”
Mean: “We don’t know what the hell we’re doing, but there’s a chance it’ll go our way.”

Say: “The Republican party is a big tent where everyone is welcome.”
Mean: “Join us on the Dark Side.”

SCOTUS CORRECTUS

Good news has been so rare during King George’s reign of error that it can easily be mistaken for a mirage or cruel satire. However, I think this is the real deal, as hard as it is to believe. From “Think Progress:”

“In a 5-3 decision (Chief Justice Roberts abstaining), the Supreme Court ruled that President Bush did not have authority to set up military tribunals at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, finding the “military commissions” illegal under both military justice law and the Geneva Convention. The opinion of the Court, written by Justice John Paul Stevens, declares that “the Executive is bound to comply with the Rule of Law that prevails in this jurisdiction.””

This decision could have far reaching effects for an administration that disdains democratic processes. It could also have an impact on the warrantless wiretaps by the NSA and possibly other Bush skullduggery. Of course, Scalia, Alito and Thomas were the dissenters in the 5-3 decision. No surprise there. Anything that smacks of administration accountability is going to get poked in the eyes by the three stooges.

Bush’s Republican puppets in Congress have already started their attacks on the decision. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said on Fox, “The court is telling us that tribunals would be okay if you have the Congress’ blessing.” What the court is telling you, Lindsay, is that the checks and balances established by this country’s founders are the specific reason why we haven’t had tribunals up to the Bush era. Without checks and balances, anything goes, as we have clearly seen.

The second reason why Graham’s whining is so damned disingenuous is that there is not a soul on this planet who believes Congressional Republican’s would give a Democratic president the kind of unparalleled freedom to act unilaterally as they have granted Bush. All things being equal, if Bush were a Democrat, he’d have been impeached by now and breaking rocks in a Texas chain gang for the rest of his life.

Oh well, we have to take what we can get. A tip of the hat to the SCOTUS for getting it right. Once.

Why we need an anti-flag burning amendment

As told to Alabama State Penitentiary Chaplain Ross Krueger:

A while back my friend Otis and me were sitting at my kitchen table in the trailer eating Frosty-Os and washing them down with blueberry Schnapps. We were bored, of course, neither of us having jobs. Normally around this time of day, we’d get in my pickup and drive around town drinking Miller Lites and throwing the empty bottles at kids or dogs. But before I could open my mouth to announce the commencement of our ritual, Otis looked up, his red eyes glowing with mischief.

“Let’s go burn an American flag,” he says.

“Burn a flag?” I asked. “Why would we want to do that?”

He grinned. “It’s Memorial Day.”

I understood immediately. “Hell, let’s not burn a flag. Let’s burn twenty flags.”

That got us both giggling like little girls.

At Hobart’s Hardware, we located the flag aisle, but there were only four flags. We grabbed them all.

When we set the flags, matches and lighter fluid on the counter, Old Man Garth looked suspicious. “What you gonna do with them flags, boys? I won’t tolerate no mischief.”

Otis and I looked at each other. “Memorial day,” I say. “We’re…gonna have a barbecue.”

“Yeah,” added Garth, feeling the need to chime in. “We’re grilling a bald eagle.”

Old Man Garth raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Just as long as you ain’t doin’ nothing to them flags ‘cept waiving them proudly and respectfully.” He rang us up and put everything into a bag.

We drove out to Vets cemetery, drinking the whole way, and parked next to Duffy the caretaker’s lawnmower. There was a crowd of town folk out there standing in the heat listening to an old soldier garble nonsense. Otis and I stripped naked, soaked the flags with lighter fluid, and then lit the little buggers on fire. Holding a flag in each hand, we ran screaming into the crowd waving our patriotic torches while old women and men with canes shuffled for their lives. I tell ya, we never had so much fun in all our days. Even though Otis and I ended up on Death Row as a result of the incident, it is a memory I’ll treasure for the rest of my short life.

Mr. Stupidity goes to Washington

It’s a fact that we are able to take advantage of a relatively small part of our brain. I’ve heard 10 percent, but that’s a number from the archives of conventional wisdom. Regardless, there has always been speculation as to how smart we could become, and how much we could accomplish, if we could use 40 or 60 or 80 percent of our brain power.

I wonder sometimes how far we can go in the opposite direction. How little brain power can a person who is not brain damaged choose to engage. Eight percent? Five percent? I ponder this because, when one observes Republican politicians, it seems conceivable that the number could fall into the negative digits.

Today, Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) stood on the Senate floor in front of a large photo of his family and declared, “I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship.”

If this thinking doesn’t fall into the minus category, I don’t what would. I’m sorry, I said “thinking.” This is obviously some other activity.

Of what, specifically, is Inhofe proud? Is he proud that he is not like millions of other American families? Is he proud he’s not a member of Dick Cheney’s family? Is he trying to lord over us the purity of his gene pool?

Everyone groans and rolls their eyes at comparisons of Republicans to Nazis, but I have to say, there is something here that smacks of an Arian purity litmus test. “I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never interbred with a Jew or had any kind of homosexual relationship.”

This is frightening stuff. It couldn’t happen here, but let me be the first to tell you, it has. How can we have fallen so far as to allow this type of homophobic, racist crap to fall from the lips of someone in the Congress of America without retribution? Feingold should beat this idiot with a cane on the Senate floor as a warning to any other representative who dares utter such offensive language.

How much stupidity can we allow to go unchecked?

Requiem for America

The tragic opera “Requiem for America” being written by the Bush administration and the Republican Party reached a new crescendo yesterday.

The latest issue of Rolling Stone hit the streets with a detailed, well-documented analysis by Robert Kennedy Jr. of how the 2004 election was stolen by Republican operatives. Even though much of what Kennedy wrote has been drifting around the blogosphere since shortly after the election, one would think this article might push the story out from the realm of conspiracy theory into the mainstream consciousness. However, a perusal of this morning’s headlines finds no mention of the piece or its shocking conclusions. The American media fails once again to follow up on what is possibly the most significant story in the past fifty years: the theft of a presidential election.

In the second movement, we find the administration brazenly playing politics with Homeland Security funds. The funds have been “redistributed” based on some mystical formula that reduces money for cities like New York and Washington, D.C. and increases funding for Kansas City and St. Louis. New York City and Washington, D.C. are now classified as “low risk” cities. Baghdad Bob must be working in the Homeland Security communications department, for who else would have the audacity to make the unbelievable claim that “New York City does not have sufficient national landmarks and targets to justify full funding”? The upshot? Funds for Red States (with a Rovian eye on the upcoming elections) increased, while Blue State cities got hosed.

The cacophony continues under the direction of Maestro Bush, the tin ear, tin horn presidential impersonator. Will the music critics who have been silent finally give this travesty the lashing it deserves?

Now that would be music to our ears.

A history of violence

I don’t think many Americans would characterize their country as the militaristic, violence-prone super-thug of the global neighborhood. We’re the good guys. America is about keeping the world safe. Unfortunately, our distorted view of ourselves does not come from looking in the mirror, but from images projected at us from behind screens, both big and small.

I experienced mixed emotions this past Memorial Day weekend. On the one hand, watching the news about the latest wave of death and destruction in the Middle East provoked a sense of regret for those lives lost to terrorism and war, especially the utterly senseless conflicts like Vietnam and Iraq.

On the other hand, I went to see the latest Tom Cruise commercial, Mission Impossible III, and it served to prod me further toward the realization that as a nation, we embrace violence as a major part of who we are. Denials aside, we take pride in being a violent people.

Look, the United States was at war, officially and unofficially, virtually the entire 20th century. And for those of us not actually fighting, we had violent entertainment to keep us occupied, from the war movies of John Wayne to the rock’m sock’m cowboy and crime shows of the fifties and sixties to the graphic slasher films of the seventies and eighties to the latest generation of horror movies that have turned everyone from your dentist to the Gingerbread Man into depraved killing machines.

Although MI:III was not about gore, it was about unrelenting violence. Duh. Ya think? Yes, I knew it would be two hours of explosions, gunfire and Cruise facial tics, but it was the ending that gave me pause to think.

Cruise is in love with a nurse, who, until the very end of the film, doesn’t know her soon-to-be-husband is a secret agent. Based on what we learn about her, it is safe to assume that she has never touched a revolver in her life. As the film careens to its bullet-riddled climax, Cruise rescues his love, but is quickly incapacitated, leaving the poor girl at the mercy of approaching assassins. Tom gives her a ten second lesson on how to load and fire his revolver, before he kills himself (temporarily), and she is forced to shoot it out with the bad guys. Lo and behold, it turns out she has a knack for killing, a previously untapped talent to quickly and accurately empty a clip into the body of an enemy combatant. She’s a natural born killer.

This is where it gets icky for me. We in the audience are relieved that she has suddenly gotten in touch with her violent side. She saves Tom, and the rest of world, by killing more effectively than the dull-witted thugs. Oh joy of joys.

Her transformation in the movie is from a sweet, good-hearted nurse (lifesaver) to a savvy assassin (life taker). The movie tells us this is a good thing. It is not. What it tells me is that this is one more example of how we are conditioned over and over again to see violence as a solution to a problem, in fiction and in real life.

On Memorial Day, we weep for the soldiers who die, yet we unhesitatingly send our sons and daughters off to war whenever anyone in power says we must. Americans blindly accept the need for violence as a solution because it has been a part of our mythology since the birth of our nation, and it continues to sell tickets at the box office. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good action movie as much as the next guy. I just want to know why.

Vietnam. Iraq. Iran? It’s past time to look at ourselves in the mirror and recognize our addiction to violence, and then begin the long road to recovery. Preemptive strikes in foreign lands are not the answer. Let’s start by generating and embracing new American myths that revolve around peace, justice and equality instead of murder, mayhem and carnage.

Mission Impossible IV: Peace comes to Darfur

Promising new discoveries in the hunt to cure conservatism. Much work still ahead.

Science may yet solve the riddle of why conservatives “just don’t get it.” Studies show that conservatism may in fact result from an organic brain defect, and perhaps be curable one day.

I’ve long thought that there was a connection between adherence to conservative ideology and a lack of a sense of humor. Conservatives I have known (including those with college degrees) generally don’t understand or appreciate satire, or jokes based on subtle wordplay. They will laugh at jokes that start with “ A Priest, a stripper and a monkey enter a bar…” or at someone who has slipped on a banana peel, but they don’t have a clue as to why The Simpsons or Dilbert are considered funny.

A Canadian university study found that people with damage to the right frontal lobe of the brain have trouble getting punch lines and show a preference for slapstick humor. Sound like any of your FOX News-addicted relatives? I wonder if by “damage” that would also include a malformed or under-developed section of the frontal lobe; a birth defect, if you will.

Regardless of its cause, I believe more strongly than ever that a stunted sense of humor and conservative ideology go hand in hand. The latest empirical evidence comes from non-other than the minions of Tom “Cellmate of the Month” De Lay.

This from a posting on today’s “Think Progress:”

A good sign that Tom DeLay doesn’t have the facts on his side: the top source for his latest defense against his critics is Stephen Colbert.

This morning, DeLay’s legal defense fund sent out a mass email criticizing the movie “The Big Buy: Tom DeLay’s Stolen Congress,” by “Outfoxed” creator Robert Greenwald.

The email features a “one-pager on the truth behind Liberal Hollywood’s the Big Buy,” and the lead item is Colbert’s interview with Greenwald on Comedy Central (where Colbert plays a faux-conservative, O’Reilly-esque character). The headline of the “fact sheet”:

Hollywood pulls Michael Moore on Tom De Lay. Colbert Cracks the Story on the Real Motivations Behind the Movie

DeLay thinks Colbert is so persuasive, he’s now featuring the full video of the interview at the top of the legal fund’s website. And why not? According to the email, Greenwald “crashed and burned” under the pressure of Colbert’s hard-hitting questions, like “Who hates America more, you or Michael Moore?”

Apparently the people at DeLay’s legal fund think that Colbert is actually a conservative. Or maybe they’re just that desperate for supporters.

This could explain how Colbert got invited to speak at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. I couldn’t believe it was possible at first, but now, it may very well be that they didn’t know Colbert did satire. “He grunt and yell like us. Must be one of us.”

Conservatives are unquestionably missing something important in the cranial region that humanity needs to progress. It might just be a sense of humor.

"This is the thanks we get."

Journalists feel betrayed by government snooping


ABC News investigative reporter Brian Ross appeared on CNN’s “Reliable Sources” this weekend, sounding both agitated and frighteningly naïve for a hard-nose reporter regarding the recent revelation that the government has been snooping on journalists.

“It makes me feel, in a way — and this is, I think, the disturbing part — as if we are drug dealers or terrorists trying to traffic in information, and should we be using bags full of quarters like old Mafia capos to avoid having our phone calls traced? I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong; I don’t think any other reporter is, either. We’re trying to cover these stories, which are difficult, but which are very important.”

This “why us?” sob story is very hard to stomach. Where was the indignation when the NSA spying story broke? Where was the anger and hand wringing from the national media over the fact that perhaps tens of thousands of innocent Americans were having their conversations recorded? Now that it’s reporters whose phones are tapped, it’s a story that merits airtime.

Ross either suffers from a serious case of short-term memory loss or his ability to connect dots in a story is pitiful for an investigative journalist. How could he be the least bit shocked by this turn of events after five-and-a-half years of the Bush administration walking with bloody Jack Boots over the Constitution? Is he so insulated in Washington that he’s unaware of the damage caused by the pathological liars running this country? Did he seriously believe that this government’s pattern of unethical and criminal behavior would somehow exclude the fourth estate? What utter naiveté.

If, on the other hand, Ross just can seem to fit the pieces together as to how we got to the point where government snoops are listening to him order Chinese take out, let me help jog his memory with this very incomplete list of stories the press failed to cover adequately or cover at all during King George’s dynasty, resulting in a renegade government that believes it is above the law:

The serious irregularities surrounding the 2000 and 2004 elections
The fact that Bush was wired and fed answers during the presidential debates with Kerry
The numerous pre-9/11 warnings the administration received regarding impending terrorist attacks
The case for war against Iraq
The ineptitude of the post-war occupation of Iraq
The no-bid contracts for rebuilding Iraq
The 9/11 Commission whitewash
The Valarie Plame affair
The use of torture
The Downing Street Memos
The Hurricane Katrina debacle
The Republican corruption scandals
The administration’s war on science
The ongoing attempts to turn our secular democracy into a fundamentalist theocracy
The NSA spying scandal

Do you really like investigating things, Brian? Fine. You can start at the top of the list and work your way down. Just make sure you use a pay phone.

Northern exposure: Bush to call up the Scouts

WASHINGTON D.C. — Just days after announcing his intention to station National Guard troops along the U.S. border with Mexico, President Bush made an unexpected statement today concerning the Canadian border.

“It is true that our most immediate national security need is to secure our southern border. However, we cannot ignore the risks posed by a three thousand mile-long, largely unsecured border to our north. While our attention is diverted to the southern states, thousands of Al-Qaeda terrorists could be quietly slipping into America disguised in moose or squirrel costumes, forming sleeper cells in unsuspecting towns like International Falls or Fargo. The threat is real, and must be met.”

Today, I am calling up our brave young Americans in Boy Scout, Girl Scout and Cub Scout troops all along the northern tier of states, from Washington to Maine. Scout units will be stationed along the Canadian border at designated intervals for four-week rotations. The Scouts will be issued BB guns, slingshots and Swiss Army Knives with which they will secure our borders and allow Americans to sleep easy in their beds.”

Some of you may ask, ‘Is sending a nine-year old child out into the Northern woods with little more than Ritalin, a dull knife and a backpack full of Snickers bars a good idea?’” I say, give our children more credit. Sure they’ll miss their TVs and their mommies, but they know what it means to wear a uniform and that sacrifices are necessary in the war on terror. “

The first Scout units will be in position shortly after the end of school in June. Scout Masters will receive field promotions to full colonel and receive all respective benefits. All scouts will be given photocopies of known Al-Qaeda operatives, and they will be issued shoot-to-kill or really-really-hurt-bad orders.”

My fellow Americans, I know what it means to serve one’s country in uniform and the sacrifices that are required. I spent countless days away from home and family in strange nightclubs and at parties where I didn’t know a soul. It’s true. But America’s young people today understand that freedom isn’t free, and that everyone must do their part in the war on terror. All I can say is God bless them, and God bless you.”

October Surprise Unveiled: U.S. to Invade Mexico

President Bush announced he is deploying National Guard troops to the United States border with Mexico. The President said the troops were being sent to help beleaguered border guards staunch the flow of illegal aliens crossing into the United States. The real reason, and you heard it here first, is that we are preparing to invade Mexico.

The plan, as leaked to “That’s Going Too Far!,” is to descend upon our southern neighbor with a shock and awe military campaign (code name: Salsa Storm) and annex Mexican land to approximately the 20th parallel just north of Mexico City. The objective of the entire campaign is to create a U.S./Mexican border that is only 450 miles long, as opposed the current border, which stretches an unmanageable 2,000 miles.

Surprisingly, Mexican President Vincente Fox has been apprised of the invasion, and has agreed to order only token resistance. “The rebuilding of my country by the U.S. after the invasion, and the resulting jobs and influx of investment capital,” Fox is said to have told U.S. military negotiators, “will be a far greater benefit than the loss of a lot of worthless desert.” Mexicans living north of Mexico City have been ordered by the government to treat American troops as a liberating army.

Carlos Hernandez, who lives in the town of Piedras Negras, only a short distance from the U.S. border, said he and his family are excited they will soon be invaded. “We’ll be automatic U.S. citizens. I’m hoping to sell my land to realtors who will build condos.” His wife Rita adds, “My cousin, Juan, who lives in Texas, is in the National Guard. I wrote him and said that if he is attacking villages close by, to stop in for lemonade.”

Critics within the administration have raised questions about plans for post-war Mexico, but Bush has reportedly brushed aside these concerns, stating that one only need look at Donald Rumsfeld’s Iraq experience to know that the Secretary of Defense will do a stellar job in Mexico.

A date for the invasion will be publicly announced on an upcoming FOX News special entitled: “God’s Orders: Smite The Brown Menace.”

Bush's fish story, part II

I remember a number of years ago watching a television commercial for a brand of coffee. A thirty-something couple stand in tall grass gazing into the sky through binoculars. The man nudges the woman and points to something. “Look,” he says excitedly. “A red-winged blackbird.” The storyline continued to somehow tie in coffee, although I can’t recall how.

I don’t know anymore about birds than the next person, but I do know that the red-winged blackbird is one of the most common birds around, in the Midwest, anyway. Why would any birdwatcher be excited about seeing one?

At some later point, I happened to see the commercial again. The same man and woman huddle in the tall grass with their binoculars. This time, however, when the man nudges the woman, he points up and sputters the name of some obviously more exotic bird (I think it was the large-breasted titwillow, but I could be mistaken). Someone in Hollywood Land was alerted and corrected the mistake of an over-paid copywriter who knew less about birds than me.

Which brings us to Bush’s fish story, mentioned in my posting below. Yesterday, someone in the Bush castle corrected 43’s statement about the highlight of his presidency. “Perch” was replaced with “Bass.” So now the highlight of Bush’s presidency is catching a 7.5-pound bass on his lake, which, for a bass, is not particularly large. But the story doesn’t end there.

As others have uncovered, several years ago Bush actually listed the fish that were stocked in the lake on his ranch. Bass wasn’t on the list. Perch was.

So now we have a fish story that was originally a lie (or one of Bush’s many faulty biographical memories), revised to be a totally new lie, probably by some overpaid political hack who knows less about fish than me.

The spin from this administration is merciless. It never stops regardless of the subject matter, and it never concedes for a minute that a large portion of the American people recognize bullshit when they hear it. To this group, 1984 isn’t fiction but a blueprint upon which to build a government. They lie when the truth would server them better.

The administration’s propensity for lying follows a similar path to that of any kind of addict. It started out innocently enough, with a lie or two here and there to gloss over military records or debate statements. In past presidencies, the media would have stepped in at some point and challenged the statements of Bush, Chaney, et. al. But, for a truckload of reasons, today’s press rolled over and played dead. Since the lying seemed to work, they lied more, and more, and more, until they couldn’t stop or backpedal, as the press licked the boots of the politicians at the same time they were being trampled. The lies have increased over the years, especially since 9/11, and today they emanate from every nook and cranny of this administration.

Hence, bass instead of perch. Lie on top of lie. The never-ending fish story.

This one’s too stupid to keep. Throw it back.

Bush’s presidency has been one long fish story, so it comes as no surprise that when Bush tells a fish story, it’s actually a fish story. Does that make sense to anyone but me?

From today’s Daily Kos: “Bush says the highlight of his presidential career was catching a 7.5 pound perch in his lake. The only problem is that the world's record for the largest freshwater perch caught is 4 pounds 3 ounces. So Bush either doubled the world record and didn't report it, or he's a liar.”

Okay, we’ve got two issues here. The more problematic of the two is that Bush considers catching a fish to be the highlight of his presidency. Now, it’s very possible the shrub was being sarcastic. You can see it now, can’t you? The little grin and snickersnort, which serves as a cue to everyone within earshot that the President of the United States has told a funny.

Whether it’s sarcasm or not, it translates the same: Being President sucks and I’d rather be fishing. It’s a bumper sticker on the back of Limo 1. It’s also a pathetic indictment of an administration that has no highlight reel to play. If he didn’t answer the question with a quip, what would he say?

“Let’s see…I brought endless violence and destruction to a large section of the planet. Uh, I gave huge tax cuts to my wealthy compadres. Oh, I know, I alienated all of our long-standing allies and made the world less safe from terrorism. How’s that?”

The lie about the fish’s weight is merely business as usual. Bush is either a pathological liar or clinically insane; unable to separate truth from fiction. There are no other plausible explanations (unless you want to get into some alien mind control theories, but I’ll let others handle those) and it’s really time to stop giving the guy the benefit of the doubt.

For Bush, every story is a fish story.

Goss not boss anymore

Short list of Bush’s candidates for new CIA director:

George Tenet

Michael Brown

Bush’s Double

Katharine Harris

Pat Robertson

Karl Rove

Richard Cohen

Scott McClellen

Joe Lieberman

Katie Couric

Ann Coulter

Dr. Phil

I'm Richard Cohen, and I'm one funny guy

The Colbert flap continues, with the politically schizophrenic Richard Cohen of the Washington Post writing a column today in which he claims he knows funny, and Colbert wasn’t funny.

“First, let me state my credentials: I am a funny guy. This is well known in certain circles, which is why, even back in elementary school, I was sometimes asked by the teacher to "say something funny" -- as if the deed could be done on demand. This, anyway, is my standing for stating that Stephen Colbert was not funny at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. All the rest is commentary.”

Riiight. Cohen knows funny like I know astrophysics. What he does know like the back of his hand, however, is who signs his paychecks and what they will and will not tolerate. A frontal humor assault on the President of the United States, warranted or not, can’t be condoned by the Washington Post.

Cohen’s article is rife with absurd observations about what comedy is and is not, and how one should deport themselves at time-honored Washington events. The boot-licking in this screed is nauseating, and Cohen should really be ashamed of himself. I, on the other hand, have no shame, which compelled me to write to Richey and vent a little.

Richard,

Anyone who says, "I'm a funny guy," probably isn't. Your critique of Stephen Colbert's performance at the recent Correspondents' dinner was a case in point—it was absolutely humorless. What better forum to display your funny side than skewering Colbert with zingers and one-liners? Instead you try to make us feel sorry for the most powerful man on the face of the planet, taking the odd angle that the President may be stupid and incompetent, but it's rude to remind us all of that fact.

Colbert was brave to say to this extremely insulated President what millions of Americans would love to say, but don't have the platform to do so. The polls tell the story, Richard. Nearly three-quarters of the American people think he's doing a lousy job, yet Bush tells us day in and day out that he will not do anything different. Colbert spoke for us. And he’s a funny guy.

Your friend,
John

Would somebody please tell Steny Hoyer he's a Democrat?

We continuously ask ourselves, “Why can’t the Democrats get it together?” Here’s reason #354.

Americablog.com reports that the #2 House Democrat, Steny Hoyer of Maryland, called Stephen Colbert’s comedy “in bad taste,” and defended George Bush.

Where in hell do these people come from? And what the hell kind of name is ‘Steny?’ It sounds Republican.

First it was Joe “I’m-not-a-Democrat-but-I-play-one-on-TV” Liebermann, now Hoyer, lobbing hand grenades at their own troops. While other Democrats are talking impeachment, Steny is messaging the President’s ego and characterizing him as a hapless victim of the poison-tongued Colbert. God, please give us a break. Would ya?

Where is the single Republican politician who would defend Hillary or Bill Clinton? Where is the Republican version of the Democratic Leadership Council?

Christ, Steny, if you like Republicans better than Democrats, change parties. Or is it that you hate Democrats so much you want to tear down the party from within? Regardless, how can you not know that you are sabotaging the party of which you are a member?

Steny, for everyone's sake, shut your piehole.

Stephen Colbert, I salute you

I’ve always liked Stephen Colbert. He was consistently hilarious as the deadpan Daily Show correspondent barraging John Stewart with inanities. Although initially skeptical of the premise for the Colbert Report (how do you satirize something as inherently comical as a right wing talk show host?) Steven managed to make the show his own. I even enjoyed his “Mr. Goodwrench” commercials, where the producers allowed just the slightest edge of classic Colbert loopiness to shine through:
“If Mr. Goodwrench were a tool, what tool would he be?”
“A…wrench?”
“Oh, sorry. Miter saw. We were looking for miter saw.”

As funny as I think Stephen Colbert is, I never considered putting him in same the category as a Lenny Bruce or Dick Gregory or Mark Twain for that matter; comedians/humorists who used their talents to directly challenge the political and societal status quo. Last Friday evening, however, Stephen Colbert joked his way into this elite group.

Performing at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner with George and Laura only a few feet away, Colbert’s O’Reillyesque alter ego skewered President Bush and his administration six ways from Sunday.

Delivered with the stern sincerity of a Bill Bennett commentary, Colbert brought up Bush’s low approval ratings, saying the President should ignore them because they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.” He also took a jab at Bush’s image as a guy who sticks to his principles. “When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday -- no matter what happened Tuesday."

Needless to say, George and Laura were not happy, virtually snubbing the comedian after the show. Who in the White House thought it was a good idea to have Colbert appear at the dinner? I can imagine one of the President’s brainwashed staffers praising the Colbert Report without realizing it's satire. “He’s sharp and very tight with O’Reilly.”

In one stand-up routine, Colbert did what the entire mainstream media has been afraid to do during the last five-and-a-half years: speak the truth right to George Bush’s face. Someone finally looked the President in the eye and told him he was wrong and out of touch with the rest of the nation.

Colbert has become an overnight hero among liberal bloggers, and I join them in praising his courage. Stephen, the Colbert Nation salutes you.

I dare you to step across this line

There’s an old gag about one guy daring another guy to step across a line he’s drawn in the sand. When the second guy does, the first guy, not anxious to do battle, draws another line and challenges the guy to step across that line. And on and on.

One of today’s headlines is a statement by former National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski, who says if Bush attacks Iran without a formal declaration from Congress, it would be an impeachable offense.

Go ahead, Bush. Step across this line.

Over the past five plus years, Bush and his crew have stepped across more lines in the sand than there are grains of sand to count. Yet Brzezinski, and probably most Democrats, want to draw another.

It’s almost hard to imagine the Democrats standing up to King George over anything short of nuclear war, and even then one has to wonder. How many impeachable offenses will it take for the Dems to stop moving backwards and take a stand for this country? 20? 50?

Allowing Bush to go so far as to bomb Iran before impeaching him is like knowing where a serial killer lives, but waiting for him to commit one more murder before feeling secure enough in your case to arrest him. Who’s wife or daughter will be the last victim?

We need to stop Bush before he attacks Iran.

I am a Republican candidate

I am a Republican candidate for elective office.

I know that I cannot win my race on the merits of my arguments.

My calls to return to an imaginary world based on a romanticized version of American history, 1950s television sitcoms and Calvinistic Christianity are totally untenable but very effective, so I go with them.

Because my arguments do not hold up under scrutiny, I am forced to resort to other tactics in order to win. Fear is very powerful. Make people afraid of the other and they cower in your corner. Anger is also quite useful. Blow on their tiny spark of dissatisfaction and turn it into a raging forest fire of anger. That gets them to the polls to vote.

My advertising does not appeal to the intellect, but to emotions. Because I cannot argue a position intellectually, I must resort to attacking my opponents patriotism, common sense, love of God and connection to “real” Americans. I turn to ad homonym attacks and character assassination. These are my weapons, and they easily find their mark.

I control people whose emotions control them.

I confess I am intellectually inferior to my opponent, and I am unapologetic. Yes, I went to college and I have a degree to put up on my wall, but the gravitational pull of my upbringing is too strong to let go of, and I am constantly pulled back to what is comfortable and reassuring, as opposed to what is actually right. That includes disliking people for a whole host of reasons that have nothing to do with who they are as human beings, but much to do with how my parents and relatives characterized them when I was growing up. There are many people like me who know what I am talking about.

The vision of America I hold out to people is one totally at odds with the way the real world works. Teenagers have always had sex and always will. The desire to alter ones reality, whether through drugs, alcohol, television or religion, is a fundamental part of our humanness. Sex among adults is a natural and healthy aspect of being human. Gays and lesbians have been members of humanity since the dawn of time and will continue to be so as long as humanity exists. We are smart enough to destroy the planet. We are stupid enough to deny this. Religion is a personal choice, not a universal edict. Your body is your own to do with as you see fit. Neither man nor woman is superior. Of course, I disagree with all of this, but I cannot explain to you why.

I choose to stand in the middle of the road intent on stopping the thunderous parade of human progress, even though history assures me I will be trampled. For reasons even I do not understand, this doesn’t stop me from trying. I am Sisyphus, constantly pushing the rock of ignorance and intolerance up the hill, only to see it roll down again, as it has done since the first days of our existence on earth. And as it will always be.

I am a Republican candidate for elective office.

The good twin speaks out

In a rare public appearance, George Bush’s good twin Cecil held a press conference today pleading with his evil other to resign.

“For too long I have stood behind the scenes trying to reach out to George in private, but he has refused to heed my words. The man is intoxicated by grandiose notions of religious crusades nurtured by his self-serving circle of Charlemagnes. No more. I declare today that George must either come to his senses immediately or resign. I have done all I can do.”

Asked if he felt President Bush would act on his request, Cecil appeared exasperated. “He is maddeningly stubborn. When we were children, I tried to get him to stop pulling the wings off of flies and trapping prairie dogs to torture them, but it was to no avail. He has always been motivated by emotional impulses, not rationale analysis. He thinks he’s channeling John Wayne.”

The White House responded to Cecil’s public pronouncements by calling him an election-year tool of the Democrat party. “Cecil and President Bush have been estranged for many years. Unfortunately, Cecil has chosen to publicly criticize the President in the midst of a war, which we find unacceptable. His close association with Democratic causes over the years is clear evidence that this event was politically motivated.”

A spokesperson for Cecil denied the charges, saying the good twin’s motivations were purely altruistic. Asked to comment on the incident, Vice President Chaney laughingly suggested he and Cecil go quail hunting some day.

Help Wanted

Short list of people being considered to replace Scott McClellan as White House press secretary.

1. Grima Wormtongue
2. Simon Cowell
3. Pamela Anderson
4. Michael Brown
5. Toby Keith
6. Vince McMahon
7. Tony Blair
8. Courtney Love
9. Baghdad Bob
10. Smithers
11. Katie Couric

Big government is good government when it's my government

Whatever happened to conservatives who distrusted big government? Today’s conservatives seem to think government can do no wrong, as long as it’s their government.

Cotton Mather wanna-be William Bennett led the charge today in
attacking Pulitzer Prize recipients in journalism for revealing
government secrets. The reporters who broke the stories about secret CIA prisons in Europe and the NSA domestic spying program are, according to Bennett, “not worthy of an award, but worthy of jail.”

Bill is upset that they revealed secrets, never mind the legality or
propriety of the government’s actions. Among conservative pundits,
the bigger and more secretive the government the better. George Bush can do no wrong.

What’s wrong with this picture?

It wasn’t too long ago when ultra-right wing militias were springing
up like thistles in a lawn with a mission to bring down the evil
U.S. gubbomint. Reagan was canonized for saying things like, “Government isn’t part of the problem. Government is the problem.”

Now it’s a whole different ball game. One of their own is in power.

Government is currently the ultimate authority. If you disagree with it, you’re anti-American. If you challenge it, you’re aiding the enemy. If you oppose it, you are guilty of treason.

The horrible irony is that they are not vexed in the least by their hypocrisy. The standards they held Clinton to were appropriate. The standards they don’t hold Bush to are equally just.

This is what happens when you give power to a movement based on ancestral bigotry, conventional wisdom and the infallibility of a two-thousand-year old book.

They fuck it all up. Red states, are you paying the least bit of attention?

A brief reflection on labels

The labels we choose to describe ourselves are becoming more and more paradoxical. Being a liberal or a Christian or a Rotarian just isn’t precise enough in a society growing more fragmented by the day. I came across a blog that claimed to represent the views of a “progressive conservative.”

Huh? A progressive conservative? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Conservatism by its very nature is anti-progressive. Can there be such a thing as a progressive homophobe? A progressive xenophobe? A progressive anti-intellectual?

The site’s author is a university student, so it may be that he believes a few classes in political theory provide him with the intellectual authorization to spice up the generic “conservative” label.

From reading the site, however, I gain no insight into what constitutes a progressive conservative. The entries are not original, provocative or incendiary in any way, and the only blog roll he includes is of Methodist sites. Oddly, he includes a photo of his face completely in shadows, and no name. Of whom is he fearful? Campus Republicans or the Socialist Student Union?

I shouldn’t be hard on the kid. Hopefully the longer he’s in college the more emphasis he’ll place on “progressive” and the less on “conservative,” although he’s from Alabama so the odds are not good he’ll be able to let go of all of his baggage.

Yet I still can’t help but wonder why he keeps his identity a secret.

Here’s a frightening thought: maybe progressive conservative is the codename for a new generation of Bush-indoctrinated Über conservatives, fascist khaki-clad droids who make Cheney look like a VISTA volunteer.

Okay, label me paranoid…but wary. Note to self: Stop watching X-File reruns.

Mike Hatch for Governor

As the author of a blog that reaches millions* on a daily basis, I understand that I have a responsibility to uphold the highest standards of journalistic ethics and integrity.** My views may not be shared by every reader,*** but I truly appreciate the powerful impact my work has on many people.****

Therefore, it is with great humility***** that I endorse Mike Hatch for Governor of Minnesota. I realize that stating my preference may, and probably will, single-handedly swing the election in Mike’s favor, but I must accept my station in life as a mighty political force****** in Minnesota and let the results fall where they may. I will no longer apologize to anyone for being a kingmaker. *******

* of microbes
** which at this point in history are very low
*** or any reader for that matter
**** and I apologize to anyone I have made physically ill
***** it is all about me
****** that should read “farce”
******* when I’m playing chess

Good Morning America. Now, wake the hell up.

If Americans come to their senses before our fearful leaders bring Armageddon down on our pointy little heads, and we actually haul the ringleaders of this criminal enterprise called the Bush administration into court, the heads of the major television networks should also be rounded up and put on the docket for aiding and abetting.

Yesterday morning I caught a brief segment on Good Morning America. The Awe Shucks Charlie Gibson and his ebony and ivory female bookends yucked it up over video comparing Vice President Cheney throwing out the first pitch at the Washington National’s home opener and Bush’s toss at the Cincinnati Reds first home game.

The emphasis of the GMA segment was on Cheney’s pitch hitting the dirt at home plate, while the much more physically robust President actually threw the ball all the way to the catcher. Har, har, har…. Of course, the real story of the day was that Cheney was roundly boo’d, by the all-American crowd of baseball fans from the minute he set foot on the field until he wrapped himself in his black cape and skulked off. GMA muted the crowd noise and the three amigos made only the most oblique reference to the hostile crowd.

The segment was insidiously crafted to take the emphasis off the unflattering reality and turn it into a playful “what-a-couple-of-big-kids” puff piece. If you asked around, most people would probably not see any huge issue involved in the GMA baseball segment. What’s the big deal? The big deal is that this type of subtle re-writing of history by our media goes on day in and day out.

Many of us shake our heads in disbelief when we read the various polls that show a consistent third of Americans think Bush is doing a good job as President, despite the overwhelming evidence that he is running this country into the ground. I think we underestimate the power of the media in our society to manipulate public opinion.
FOX News takes a chainsaw to truth every day, and if you’re not a rabid conservative, you probably realize what’s going on. But the much subtler forms of truth shading found in the mainstream media are, I believe, more diabolical and effective forms of propaganda.

The media moguls know exactly what they are doing. Like the lookout at a bank robbery, they may not be holding the gun, but they are playing an integral role in aiding and abetting the destruction of democracy for the understood promise of political payback. They are helping the government con the American people, and that’s a crime in my book. Someone needs to be held accountable.

Daddy Dearest

WASHINGTON D.C. - In what Democrats are labeling a shameful effort to save his presidency, George Bush told a gathering of White House reporters today that his father was to blame for the continued difficulties in Iraq.

Asked whether he meant Jesus, Bush said no, he was talking about George Bush senior, the former president.

“If my father had been a man and taken out Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War, we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in today,” said President Bush. “He lacked what we in Texas call ‘cajones.’”

“Are you saying your father is a wuss?” asked a reporter.

The President responded, “You’re the writers. You can pick the words to describe a man who lets a tyrant remain in power to terrorize his own people.”

The President also intimated that his father might have played a part in the plot to assassination JFK and the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

George Bush senior could not be reached for comment, but his wife, Barbara Bush was visibly upset by her son’s comments. “That little sh**. When he comes back to Texas, I’m going to smack him bloody with a baseball bat. Just like I did when he was a naughty child.”

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said the President’s remarks were intended merely to set the record straight and not meant to disparage the many contributions his father made in his long career in public service.

Moronpalooza 2006

I was alerted to this full-page ad for a music festival in the latest issue of Guns & Ammo.

PISS Fest
(Proud I’m Still Stupid)

4th of July Weekend

A three-day celebration for the non-reality based nation. Music, inspirational speakers, food and fun for the whole family on the grounds of the Holy Redeemer New Baptist Church in Branson, Missouri.

NRA Members
Evangelical Christians
White Supremacists and Holocaust Deniers
Anti-immigration and anti-tax zealots
Confederate patriots
Any residents of Montana and Idaho

You will find a home at PISS Fest!

Saturday, July 1

3:00 Opening benediction and prayer of intolerance by Jerry Falwell (Main Stage)
3:30 Everyone fires weapons into the air
5:00 Gun safety seminar for toddlers (Charleton Heston Gun Range)
6:00 Toby Keith sings hits from his latest album, White Trash with Money (Main Stage)
8:00 The Aryan Nation Glee Club sings patriotic standards (America First Stage)
9:30 Video address from President Bush (Main Stage)
10:00 Ending prayer and ritual keg tap

Sunday, July 2

8:00 Church Service (Mandatory!)
11:00 Beer & Brats Brunch (Right Restaurant)
1:00 Brawl in the parking lot
2:00 Bill Bennett reads stories of moral righteousness that will scare the hell out of kids (Don’t Spare the Rod Children’s Tent)
4:00 Bo Grits lecture: Invading Canada Just Makes Sense (God Loves America Stage)
6:00 Ted Nugent rocks the fest with songs from his latest album, I Kill Therefore I Am (Main Stage)
9:00 Senator Bill Frist speaks on who is and who is not a real American
10:00 Ending Prayer and 21-gun salute

Monday, July 3

9:00 Bloody Mary’s on the Mall
11:00 Kill your breakfast (woods adjacent to the church)
2:00 Mass full-emersion baptism at Bill Watson’s farm pond
4:00 Pre-fireworks fireworks
5:00 Unfurling of the world’s largest American flag
5:30 Clowns for Christ perform (Don’t Spare the Rod Children’s Tent)
7:00 Don Flemming Puppet Show: Pepper the Parrot kills Dr.. Evolution. (America First Stage)
9:30 Fireworks show followed by an armed attack on nearby Missouri State University
11:00 End of Fest Prayer and dynamite toss

Republican accountability means never having to say you're sorry

A letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Start-Tribune caught my attention this morning. I nearly spit hot coffee through my nose (which I imagine would really hurt) when l was informed by the writer that, when you look at the noble actions of Nixon, De Lay and FEMA’s Brown in stepping down from their lofty positions of power during periods of turmoil, the Republican party demonstrates that it is the party of accountability.

Accountability?

If you’re not a satirist or suffering from some type of psychosis, you have to really, really, really be turning your brain inside-out to claim that Republicans stand for accountability. Accountability is not a word in the Republican lexicon. Republicans don’t believe in accountability. If you’re doing God’s work, what could you possibly have to account for? Sure, you’ll make a few mistakes, but you’re on the side of right, so there is certainly no need to stand accountable in front of mere mortals.

Even the straight-shootin,’ I-think-for-myself maverick John McCain doesn’t like accountability. He doesn’t care if his war vote was wrong or that Bush lies to the American people every time he opens his mouth. What John cares about is becoming President, which now means sucking up to American Taliban leaders he once dissed, like Falwell and Robertson. Accountability is for weak-link losers and Democrats.

You might expect someone like the crackpot queen of conservatives Ann Coulter to claim accountability as a Republican virtue, but she’d say Karl Rove was her pony boy if it got her another three minutes of face time on Hannity & Colmes (so far it’s just a rumor, folks).

No, the letter writer is either a master of the art of satire, in which case I salute you, or a simpleton clinging doggedly to the chains of belief as he sinks faster and faster into the sea of reality.

Just don’t quote me on that. This was entirely off the record….

Prison jobs for which Tom DeLay might be qualified:

Snitch

Boy Toy/Girlfriend/Sex Slave

Chaplin’s Assistant

Contraband Smuggler

Organizer, Bush Loyalists Alumni Club, Prison Chapter #34

Shiv Maker

Warden’s Best Friend

Coordinator of Religious Activities for the Aryan Brotherhood

Exercise Yard Punching Bag

President, Inmates for Tax Reform

Rat Trainer

You don't give the village idiot the keys to the armory or How many metaphors will it take to save America?

If Bush goes to Congress asking for some sort of authority to bomb Iran, and the Democrats don’t stand up and shout in unison, “When monkeys fly out of our asses, you moron,” I may have to go on a weeklong drinking binge and hope that when I sober up I’m either on some new plane of existence or Canada has annexed Minnesota.

Any Democrat who supports an attack on Iran should be drummed out of the party. I envision a ceremony where the miscreants kneel before Democratic elders clothed only in a tie-dyed G-string and Birkenstocks, and are forced to listen to Gilbert Godfried read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights for 24 hours straight.

Bush and his gang of neocon nitwits smash up the family car every time they take it out. Is it responsible to give them the keys AGAIN? No one wants Iran to develop nuclear weapons, but that doesn’t mean you give the job of stopping them to a man who makes Paris Hilton look smart.

Democrats, Bush is not capable of being President. Yes, he sits in the Oval Office and flies on Air Force One and wears a nice, shiny lapel pin, but you know he is not fit to lead Liechtenstein, let alone the most weapon-heavy country on earth. Giving this madman any additional authority to use the military is nothing short of handing a pyromaniac matches and a gas can. It’s signing America’s death warrant.

If we attack Iran, you don’t need to be Nostradomus to predict that the Middle East will explode. Bush will have succeeded in bringing Armageddon down upon all of us. Don’t give him the opportunity.

Are you willfully ignorant or just stupid?

Should we penalize willful ignorance?

It’s not without precedent.

Austrian authorities sentenced right-wing British historian David Irving to three years in jail for denying the Holocaust and the existence of Nazi gas chambers at Auschwitz.

Most Americans would oppose incarceration for unpopular beliefs as a denial of free speech. Perhaps, but is there a distinction to be made between ignorance and willful ignorance? How do we battle the forces of self-inflicted blindness that have taken over our media and swayed a third of our citizens to believe that black is white and bad is good? How do we pull America’s corporate CEOs back from the dark side of capitalism to a place where civic responsibility and the common good are part of the contract for doing business? Prior to the 2004 election, Viacom executive Sumner Redstone remarked, “The Democrats aren’t bad people…but from a Viacom standpoint, we believe the election of a Republican administration is better for our company.” No mention of what’s better for the country.

Most of us would unhesitatingly advocate education over punishment. Yet the people who run our corporations, edit our newspapers, lead our religious organizations, create our energy and manage our money are educated, often highly educated, with degrees from prestigious universities. A bachelor’s or master’s degree may not make them intelligent (our President being a case in point), but they are not stupid.

Their crime, in my opinion, is consciously turning their back on the truth for a galaxy full of personal and professional reasons. In other words, putting “me” before “us.” The willfully ignorant, armed with rationales, think tanks, polls, research, beliefs and superstitions, continuously strive to fit their square view of the world into the round hole of reality. Like Redstone, they see themselves or their company or their party or their church as the center of the universe, around which everything else revolves.

The willfully ignorant, with their personal agendas, are co-conspirators in the dismantling of American democracy. Lacking any inspiring national vision from our leaders in Washington D.C., Americans have turned inward in their search for what’s important in life.

Of course, I don’t advocate locking up the ignorant bastards, but at the same time, they do pose a genuine threat to the America we have taken for granted.

One step in the right direction would be for Democrats, and especially Democratic candidates, to start refocusing the attention of the willfully ignorant away from themselves and out toward larger inspirational dreams about America’s potential. Reclaim the party’s heritage as progressive thinkers who strive to make the world a better place. As Republicans use fear and terror as an organizational strategy, let Democrats motivate with visions of progress and great achievements.

After all, nothing short of a New Deal-size effort will even begin to undue the damage of Bush and his band of lunatics.

Mrs. 44

As Bush’s popularity continues to plummet, Republican strategists have grown very concerned about a backlash against the President’s policies in the 2008 election. The reasoning goes that a Democratic win in the ’08 presidential election will result in the eventual dismantling of everything conservatives have been working on over an eight-year period. Since George Bush cannot run again, how can Republicans keep his legacy alive?

For some, the answer is Laura Bush. Stories that Laura plays a much larger roll in decision-making at the White House are already starting to trickle out into the media. That’s Going Too Far! has obtained a copy of a highly confidential internal memo that highlights strategies already underway to gradually transform the First Lady into a presidential contender.

March 10, 2006

***Confidential***

Project Dynasty is gaining traction. G remains in the dark, L is in the driver’s seat. Let’s keep it that way. Phase II strategies:

- More face-time with media. Have her spar with O’Reilly and Hannity, only make damn sure they know what’s going on.
- Let’s get a chainsaw in her hands during next ranch visit. Jeans, safety goggles and a bit of persperation.
- Have L slap Chillary with some flip-flop accusations. Put Satan’s daughter on the defensive.
- Get her into something that shows some cleavage. Think “flight suit” equivalent.
- Look for more kids ‘n coots photo ops.
- Bribe the twins to say something about Mom’s “inherent leadership qualities.”
- Start background scrubbing NOW. NO SURPRISES! Go back to kindergarten.
- Keep her wired at all times.
- Can she ride a horse?
- Fly her into Baghdad for a photo op with troops. Fatigues? Snipe insurgents from hotel rooftop? Toss a hand grenade?
- Make sure she keeps her distance from 43 as much as possible without arousing suspicion.

Oh accountability, where art thou?

On this day in 1834, Congress censured President Andrew Jackson for refusing to turn over documents related to his attempts to dismantle the Bank of the United States. How quaint. They scolded Andy for assuming “authority and power not conferred by the Constitution.”

Ah, those were simpler times when Presidents were held accountable for their actions. Look at how standards have changed. We go from one administration where a President is impeached for trying to cover up some high school grope-a-dope action to the next administration, where the President seems unable to commit a crime heinous enough to insight the ire of the Republican led Congress.

“Accountability” has lost all meaning, especially in regards to the current administration. Following Orwellian doctrine, Bush has turned accountability on its head: greed is good, mismanagement is job security and loyalty trumps truth. As a Bush crony, you don’t get in trouble for screwing up, you get the Medal of Freedom.

In Jackson’s day, Congress actually thought it had a role to play in our government. It didn’t take orders from the President. Yes, it was a highly partisan institution then as it is now, but it was not afraid to challenge the executive branch when push came to shove. Today we have a Congress filled with right-wing ideologues who protect the President at the country’s expense and a cowering opposition that is concerned more with public perception than standing up for what’s right.

Hold the President accountable? What a charming notion. We’ll file it under, “The Once and Glorious United States.”